Episode 3: Reflect, Enjoy, Don’t Dwell

Good morning. For you to accomplish your life. You’re big hairy audacious goals that I know you’re planning. So that you can accomplish the most fulfillment in your life. You must be focused, energized, and living in the present. Hi, I’m your host, Jimmy Williams for Live a Life by Design. The weekly podcast that helps you with strategies and practical tools so that you may be the better you as you live your life. You know, the past serves as a resource. Or a learning experience to create a better future for you.

No doubt you have found ways of living or performing necessary tasks that require less energy today than you utilized in your younger years. In my journaling exercises I often reflect on my past to enjoy a personal and professional growth that I may have experienced. I use this exercise as a means of springing forward in my growth, as a way that I can find a path to a bigger future.

If this historical reflection creates visions or memories of painful times I’m going to give you today my five step simple process for moving forward in life. You see, by clinging to the negative experiences of the past you are limiting your growth for your future. One of the most critical things that we can do is always maintain control of our own emotions and wellbeing. So this simple five step process will give you the empowerment, give you the practical tools so that you can move forward in life.

  1. First, make the purposeful decision to to let the experience and related pain simply go. This is where intentionality plays an important role in the process of healing. Until we release the pain, the hurt, the concern that was created by a negative experience, we can’t begin to heal ourselves.
  2. Step two, don’t bury the hurt inside, but rather express it in some productive manner. For example, I mentioned journaling before as a means of release for me. If only the walls could talk, right? I’ve written things in my journals and instructed my family that I don’t wish for them to even see or read these journals until my passing. It’s not that I’m ashamed of what’s in the journals, but it is my personal reflections, my personal thoughts, my beliefs, my creativity at work. I’m doing something to release this from the mind, to the ink pen, to my paper. To give me an opportunity to move forward and grow a bigger future as I said. Sometimes you can write a letter to the person, company, government agency, whoever or whatever caused your pain. Address the envelope and then do something most important. Don’t waste a good stamp and put on the corner of that envelope, simply shred it. Yes, you heard me. Shred the letter. I have done this with some success in about three instances in my past. I allowed myself to carry some hurt, some feeling of anger. It wasn’t really me, but i could not release it, so I simply wrote a letter to the individuals, and companies that caused this hurt and i listed all of that language that I wouldn’t use in my everyday words with people, the disdain, the hurt, the passion of how I wish that I would give them back their revenge, that they so deserved. And I wrote the letter, signed it, sealed it in an envelope, even addressed the envelope, and promptly shredded it. This gave me a simple release of those emotions, the hurt, the feelings and so forth. So that I could then raise my head high, put a smile back on my face and move forward. You see, we don’t have to stay in this period of seeing ourselves be impacted by negativity. You want a tremendous emotional boost of confidence? Simply follow this five step process.
  3. Step three, stop blaming others for your pain. Yeah, you heard me, it’s not easy to forgive people and forget the hurt. But you must stop blaming others and take personal responsibility. Society today consists of felons, depressed individuals and drug addicted people who blame their parents for their lot in life. They do not take responsibility for themselves. They always have someone else to blame. Until we can take our responsibility, our role in this hurt and pain of the past we can’t move forward.
  4. Step four, be present. Wherever you are, be there. This is a quote by Jim Rohn one of my mentors, I love this simple quote, but it is a fact of life. “That if you wish to make an impact on yourself as well as others, be present.” Have you ever seen someone, that while you’re talking with them, and someone else walks by that they know, that they quickly glance and start talking and interrupting the conversation that you were having? How important did that make you feel at the time? I know it makes me feel pretty small. But be present wherever you are, just be focused mentally on that. Focus on the day. Focus on your current environment, your current financial status, your current career status. Be focusing on the present, your mind creates opportunities to build a better future based on your current situation. So be present, wherever you are, be there.
  5. And step five, forgive and grow. Forgiveness is difficult. But a necessary step in releasing your past. I’m not just talking about forgiveness to the person, group, or company that caused your pain. I’m talking more about forgiving yourself. You see, by holding on to the hurt, you’re only causing yourself greater pain. I can assure you that that person, group, or company that caused the pain has already moved on and living their life as they please. You are responsible for you. To truly reach your future potential remember these five simple steps to releasing the past.

We use the acronym R.E.D. That’s right, you heard me R.E.D. Reflect, Enjoy, Don’t Dwell on the past. We can reflect on those positive moments of the past, we can reflect on the hurts and learn from them. We can enjoy some of our history. I enjoy a tremendous amount of my history. I have had very little hurt or pain in my past. Now it seems like a monumental building has been placed in front of me, a roadblock, if you will, has been placed across the entire path, when these hurts come. But I have learned now that I can reflect on them, enjoy them, but don’t dwell on them so we can move forward.

So to truly reach your future potential, remember these five simple steps. One, make the purposeful decision to let go of your past. Number two, express or release the hurt. Number three, stop blaming others, take personal responsibility for you. Number four, live in the present. And number five and one of the most important steps, forgive yourself and others.

Through this process you will find that you have now taken a roadblock from your mind so that you can move forward and your positive thoughts determining your future creating what you want for you and your family, your career, your personal life, your spiritual life. It all takes that control of your emotions and your mind. In a future podcast we’re going to talk about not your IQ, your intelligence quotient, but your EQ your emotional quotient. And you can’t change the past. As soon as we take the grasp of that fact then the future is all that we have. We can live in today, the present and we can form the future we wish. One of the statements I always enjoy sharing with those around me that are having some hurt or that have reflected on the past too long and they have dwelled in that area. Is I always tell them, you now, you can’t change yesterday. But I can sure form today and tomorrow. You simply can’t change your past, but you can form the future in the manner you wish it to be.

So put a smile on your face, get your eyes looking forward on the horizon of the future, and change someone else’s day for the better.

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