To cope with life, many of us use masks to protect our emotions, personality and other traits. In this episode Jimmy and Lori share their thoughts and ideas to help you cope with real life and recognize when you are using a mask to cover your true feelings instead of addressing the challenge with honesty for your best life.
Episode Keys
- How using a mask of projection gives you emotional space to deal with challenges to your core beliefs.
- Why your best approach to dealing with challenges in life is to be yourself and grow through your own feelings.
- The world needs you to be the best you possible each day because you have a purpose to fulfill on this planet!
- One of the most often utilized masks is the mask of protection. Lori and Jimmy discuss this one for coping with times of confrontation and discomfort.
- When to remind yourself that you are capable and confident to achieve all that you desire with your honest emotions and feelings that allow you to communicate with the world.
Podcast Transcript
JW:
You know, those movies that I used to really love and still do to this day, that mix comedy and real life, man, those are the best. And one of my favorite actors who has never failed to have me laughing so hard that I almost, yep, you guessed it could shoot Coke through my nose. I’ll tell you what folks, when I drink a soft drink and he has me laughing that hard, who hasn’t done that? Especially if you’re in grade school and that milk came outta there, that’s really gross. But hey, welcome to Live a Life By Design. I’m Jimmy Williams with my co-host Lori Few. Hi, Lori.
LF:
Good morning. I have actually, I, I just side note because I know the listeners are so invested in our daily adventures here, I have had Coke shoot out my nose. Complete accident.
JW:
It’s not a mystery of life, it just happens.
LF:
No, it just happens. And it’s not, it’s not pretty.
JW:
I gotta tell you, if there’s one comedian that can do that for you folks, we’re talking about him today. Jim Carey from Canada. Now he, his, a gentleman that lived in his car for a while. His family was destitute for a while, and he wrote himself a check. Lori, I don’t know if you’ve read his story. He wrote himself a check one day that he wrote the check to himself for 20 million, and he kept it folded up in his billfold. He kept it all these years, I mean, years and years. He tried to get into you know, movies and comedy on Saturday Night Live or whatever it was. And, and then finally one day came and he opened up that old just permanent crease check and he unfolded it and he set it on the table and he took it to his bank. He literally had more than 20 million available, the guy’s worth, you know, hundreds of millions of dollars today. And he had got it because he said he just wanted to make a living, having people laugh. He said that his, his childhood was so tough, he had this laughter within him that sustained him through the difficult times. So I’m gonna tell you about a movie, Lori, that I really love of his, and it was called The Mask. You recall the movie?
LF:
I do, I do. Good movie.
JW:
Yeah. Where we got the line Smoke in, I think talk to that character, the female character. So, you know, one of the things about the Masket I really focused on when I was watching it this last time, which was I think like time, I don’t know, 30. I’ve watched it a lot. And I noticed that he’d be able to have a facial feature or a gesture, or even an outward appearance depending on who he was with, of a different form. He had all these different masks, hence the reason he put this green mask on, he became somebody different, right? And so I said to myself, don’t we in real life really wear certain masks at certain times? What’s your thoughts, Lori?
LF:
You know, it’s interesting that the conversation when you, when you talk about masks, that it reverts back to Jim Carey and his character. I do recall the movie and I just remember thinking, this guy is absolutely hysterical and what a fun guy he must be to work with, but to be able to pull off all those characters, you know, in a 90 minute movie. It’s very poignant that you mentioned that topic this morning because we all walk through life wearing so many different masks at different times. And some of us may be a mask that we don’t wear for a long period of time. Some that we wear a lot, some that we you know, recycle. It, when you’re going through a certain period of, of joy or sadness or sorrow or triumphs. So I love the correlation. I highly recommend the movies. We haven’t seen it. I was 14 when it came out. Just, just throwing that out there.
JW:
Folks, we can do the mask. She’s still 29. We get it, we get it.
LF:
Just tell everyone, you know, you remember, I I’m still in my mind, I’m very young, but…
JW:
Absolutely. So, so this mask feature, you know, one thing I could come up with to me, Lori, it’s, it’s like when you see someone at work, for example, you might see a different person at work than, say, if you were to see ’em out in public at a more informal setting, let’s say. You know and then sometimes you see people different on, oh, I don’t mean to be judgmental, but on Sunday that are different than they are the other six days. And I’m not saying that for this religious on, you know, overtones. I’m just saying that’s just how people are.
LF:
It’s human nature.
JW:
Yeah. Why do you think we wear these different masks? What’s what’s the purpose of it for us as humans?
LF:
Well, I think that probably, you know, we talk about human nature, we talk about animal nature. So we probably wear a mask certain, certain times. Like makes me think like an animal. You wear the mask of hunting and fighting and flight, and when you’re scared and when you’re anxious and when you’re excited. And when you’re doing all these different emotions, I, I tie masks kind of like an emotional pendulum, if you will. The, you know, just different phases of life. You know, I, it, it’s, it’s interesting. I mean, this whole topic is, is kind of, if you think about it, you could talk for days on it because I think as people, we learn from the way we are raised and then we learn from our parents and we learn from our grandparents. And then as we get older, we learn in social settings and places like schools and churches and activities that we’re a part of. And then when we become old enough to have jobs, we wear a different set, you know, a different mask because it’s a different setting. So I think depending on what setting you’re in, you’re definitely gonna wear a different mask. Some people will probably argue that they are who they are, and they’re that way all the time. But in this, this instance, I think even the people that say that have had a mask or a series of masks that they’ve worn.
JW:
You know, I’ve, when I thought about this episode, in my mind I thought there are two masks that a lot of us wear maybe most of the time, not all the time, but most of the time. And one of those masks, I call it the mask of protection, trying to protect ourselves from a hurt, trying to protect ourselves from possibly some negative impact coming into our minds. Some form of protection. And then I, the second mask I think about is our mask of projection, how we’re feeling. We get our mask on. Sometimes good, sometimes bad people look at it and go, Hey, you’ve had a rough day, haven’t you? And you may not realize you’re projecting that, but people look at your eyes and you know, the eyes of the windows to the soul, and they, they look at that facial feature for case and point.
JW:
I had a mask of projection that I didn’t realize I had with my younger daughter. We’ve talked about it before. She’s going to one of the major universities. And I am not as yet adjusting my thinking to some of the more progressive thinking that we have in some of the younger people at these universities. Not saying they’re wrong, not saying I’m right, just, I’m just, I’m not communicating well or I’m not understanding. Well, to communicate some of the actions and perhaps some of the shall we say, some of the projection they’re trying to make of who they are to trying to find themselves in the world. Right. You know, trying to find their place. And so my daughter’s always telling me, “Hey, quit scowling. You’re, you’re scowling at somebody,” because my eyebrows are down.
JW:
And I’m like, “Wait a minute, I’m smiling a hundred percent of the time, babe, what are you talking me?” She goes, “Dad, your eyebrows are down. People are gonna think you’re upset about something or you’re staring.” And I’m like, but what do you mean my eyebrows are down? So she took a picture one time and I wasn’t looking and she was right. I have the tendency, if I’m thinking hard on something, my eyebrows will come down cuz like I’m focusing, I’m really thinking on something. And so I’ve worked purposefully to make sure my mask of projection is more of that happy jimmy that I am. And I feel I am even in it’s times that I don’t understand really what’s going on. Lori, so do you have a different mask or do those two masks relate to you?
LF:
Both of those relate to me. However, I think as women, we probably wear a lot, well, I, I shouldn’t say that for all women, but for myself there, you know, are a lot of masks that you wear as a mom. I have the mask of I’m trying to be really stern and get my son’s attention for him to listen to me. And he always sees right through it He know, you know, he’ll say, you have that mom, look what, what’s going on? You have. And I try to say, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Well, it’s just the look. It’s the look. And he’s the only o he’s the only per only person that sees it. I have a terrible, I I really wish sometimes in my daily life I could wear a mask because I have a terrible poker face.
LF:
I, I it’s, it’s so bad because I can’t hide things very well. I emote with my face, with my hands, with the way I walk, the way I talk. I, I’m the type of person that you’re, you are going to know exactly what type of mood I’m in based on all of those things. And trying to, you know, as women, I think sometimes we try to mask those things. Like we try to put on a, a stern face or a concern or, you know, hide those emotions a little bit better just because that’s what we feel is expected of us. I love when you talk about your daughter’s generation because they have had such an opportunity to be progressive and free thinking and thought provoking and, and not afraid to ask those questions. I, I think we have so much to learn from young people. I’m certainly learning every day from my, can’t believe I’m saying teenage son now, but…
JW:
You are amedical miracle. We get that you’re a medical miracle. I get that. No, yeah.
LF:
But, but I mean, it, it’s, it’s so true. I, I just, I think there’s a lot to be gleaned from that. I think there’s a lot to learn from that. You know, I think it would be interesting to do a study. You know, I’m a people watcher. We talk a lot about that. I love to people watch, I love to see what people are doing and how they are reacting in, in different environments. I would be curious to see how many people, if you surveyed them, you know, just on the street, you know, like a, from the Tonight Show, live on the street with Lori, you know, do you wear masks? And not, not that, those other kinda masks that we used to have to wear, you know, the, the real emotional masks.
JW:
I agree. And here’s something too, have you ever noticed that sometimes when you see someone with a different look in terms of their mindset of you see them working in their mind on something and you emulate that mask, for example, so you may even see a more projection, right? Like we talked about in terms of to you. And, and I don’t do it on purpose to in any way make fun, but I might emulate it. So if I see someone that’s really sad, you know, I don’t wanna walk up to ’em in my old bubbly Jimmy and say, Hey, how’s it going? What’s powder? Why aren’t you smiling? You know, that’s totally insensitive and no empathy. But what I’m suggesting is, is not to in any way take their situation and make it your own, but to show empathy to them might mean you put on a different mask than what you’re feeling. And is that wrong, Lori? What do you think that’s wrong?
LF:
No, I don’t think that’s wrong at all. I think that’s what makes us human. I think that’s what makes us approachable. I think that’s what makes us have better relationships. I mean, empathy for other people is so important. I, and even if you struggle with it, which I, I feel like a lot of people do, it’s something to continually work on. I mean, we talk a lot on this podcast about living your best life, and we give people strategies and tips and ways that they can increase their positivity and their impact on the world. And I think that I don’t, I I just, I’d be hard pressed to find, find somebody that would argue that point that that’s not important.
JW:
No. And you know, the other thing about these masks, for example, is some of us may may adorn ourselves with these masks more than others, for example, and I’m not saying that you’re failing to be true to yourself. What I am saying is, is you’re finding, as I try to do sometimes ways to understand the world about you when it’s changing more rapidly, perhaps, than your background will allow you to assimilate. Right. So, you know, I, I’m often especially, and I notice this around younger people, and I’m very young. I’m a I’m gonna be a young 58 next month. And I said that out loud, young 50. I’m proud of that because when I get 85, I’m still gonna say I’m a young 58 with my dyslexia.
LF:
Yes you are.
JW:
But my point here is, is to say, I often gravitate is the word I’m gonna use. I try to go toward those young people and interact with ’em, because the only way we can learn which of our mass to appropriately use is trying to be better humans. Now let’s talk about that for just a moment. Why is it important, Lori, that we become better humans on a daily basis? What do you think your opinion would be?
LF:
Oh, why we need to be good humans? Well, there’s no other way to be for me. I, I just think it’s so important. I think every day that you are able to wake up and take a breath, it, it, it’s an opportunity to do something to better the, the planet, to better the other humans around you. I, I can’t imagine not doing those things. I just, no, don’t get me wrong. I have my days. I have my days where it’s very, very much a struggle to interact with other humans. But why not look at it from the perspective of, and I know we’ve talked about this before, but I get to do this. I get to be on the planet walking around, talking, breathing, eating, smiling, making a difference, making a living, making an impact, and having relationships with other people. I just can’t imagine not having a positive outlook on that.
JW:
Tend to put on is, is is one that I, I wear frequently and I hope that I continue to wear is, is the, the mask to me of, of happiness and satisfaction. I was standing on I think a, we even talked about this in a previous episode. I was standing on the pier, the very end of Route 60 60 historic Route 66 highway across the United States from Chicago all the way to la I stood where the last marker is that says literally, this is the end of Route 66, and you’re on a, you’re on the, the world famous Santa Monica Pier. And so I walked to the very end of the pier and I’m looking out over this ocean that is just so vast and expanse. And you’re looking at these waves come in with such a rhythm, you know, this crash below you.
JW:
And I told you about the, the violin player behind us. And my wife and I are just standing there and we don’t say a word to each other, but we said a thousand words with what our faces were expressing. Yeah. Does that make sense? So that mask of satisfaction and happiness and, and look at this great world that we get to inhabit and all of this beauty that nature provides. Nobody’s painting this. As a matter of fact, it’d be hard to find an artist to paint that well, but there are some out there that get close. But at the end of the day, I’m sitting there on this little bench and we’re watching these waves and it’s just so peaceful. And I’m just smiling from ear to ear and my wife says, what are you thinking about? And I said, how I am the most lucky man on the planet.
JW:
And she said, because you’re with me. I said, that’s the biggest part of it. But the second part is, is look at this. How many people get to enjoy this scenery in a calm evening when the sun’s going down and you see those clouds way in the distance to the west, and these waves are just rhythmically coming into the shore and just almost putting us into a daze. I mean, it’s just like you wouldn’t believe. So that, that mask on my face was, it was so wide. I hate to tell you how wide it was. My smile was so wide. You could eat a banana sideways, Lord, I’m telling you, it was that wide.
LF:
I wanna see the banana. I need you, I need you to eat a banana sideways.
JW:
Oh, it might not look too good on tv. But anyway. So has there been a time where you felt like a mask that just naturally appears on your face has ever happened?
LF:
Oh, naturally. I, probably, probably a couple of different times, but I dunno, you know, probably when my son was born, I can only imagine what my face looked like. Thank goodness I didn’t have a mirror after all that.
JW:
You know, now wait, wait, wait a minute, right there. Did you know that? And I’m being serious. Every time these young ladies have a baby, and they put that photo without the makeup, they’ve worked themselves, obviously to a sweat. And I mean, let’s just say it, you know, childbearing is is not just like easy-peasy, man. We get it. But why do you wanna let your husband or or a significant other post that picture of you. No. When you’ve just been like, oh my goodness, my hair is sticking every direction. And you know, that’s just crazy. But my point to you is that’s probably a smile on your face. Everybody’s smiling. I get that. You know?
LF:
Yeah. But you know, on the other side of that, I specifically remember putting on a mask. Just, you know, even recently in my career we, you know, we went through, I went through a change of administrative change. And I was very I mean, change is hard. I’m gonna openly admit that, especially in the workplace, after you’ve worked with a, you know, a couple, several people in your office for a number of years, you get comfortable, you get close, you can read each other’s mind. You know where the conversation is going. Your common goals are the same. And when that changes, I, I honestly didn’t realize that I had put on that mask, the mask of uncertainty the mask of don’t let your true personality come out in the beginning, because you’re probably gonna be sizing each other up. You’re gonna be critiqued, you’re gonna be questioned, you’re gonna be, you know, judged for lack of a better term.
LF:
And I think I had that mask on for a little while and didn’t even realize it. And as things kind of progressed, I mean, even as an, as a working adult professional, I thought I was past all of that. I thought those were emotions and feelings that I had like making, trying to make new friends or, you know, going to college for the first time. Or, you know, buying my first car when I was trying to convince the salesman that I had knew what I was talking about. And I had no idea. So, but I think, you know, the happy mask also can be the uncertain mask. And I, that’s where I’ve recently found myself. And I, I’m happy to report that it’s better. It’s, you know, not what I thought it was gonna be. Things are good, things are moving along. Everybody’s working together as a team. But I think those are natural feelings that we just all have. And they’re not necessarily bad. They are what they are, and you just need to work through them. It took me a little while, but you, you, you have to give your, you know, we talk about that too a lot. We talk about giving yourself grace and accepting that and owning it and being in the moment and acknowledging that, but then being able to take that mask off, set it aside, and move forward towards something new.
JW:
I always tell people this is, you always should have an honest appearance on your face. So you’ve gotta be honest with yourself about what am I honestly feeling at this moment based on the environment I find myself, or based on the facts I just heard, or based on the fact of where I’m located. You know, I’m, if I’m at a hospital surgery waiting room and my wife’s in there doing a life-threatening surgery and I’m probably not gonna have a mask of a smile so wide, I could eat a banana. Right? Right. You know, or, or I would tell you she had the laughter and so forth after she got me videoed coming out of anesthesia from my colonoscopy. And we won’t share that video.
LF:
Oh, that would be funny!
JW:
Wouldn’t that be funny? That was funny. You know, I felt so calm after. You know, what is it about sedation that you just come out of it going, man, I slept really well and I feel very relaxed now, but what is it about that I have no idea? So, but point to that is, is everybody needs to be truthful and honest first with themselves and then with everyone that we meet. Because, you know, there’s people hurting in this world that just a smile alone, Lori, that that true smile of happiness that we felt on the Pacific Ocean can be something that might shake them to the very core enough to realize, hey, life is gonna get better.
LF:
Absolutely true.
JW:
So our thought for everyone this week is this. Take a conscious thought when you feel yourself maybe getting that mask of projection and see what you are telling the world. Look in the mirror just a little bit, if you dare and say, oh, that’s not me, or, Hey, that’s me and I’m proud of it. I’m not asking you to be fake. Obviously not. But I think at the end of the day, we all need to take what we can control and control it to the best of our ability and be humans that are good to the world. Now, Lori, I’ve got one favor to ask of you before we close out the show.
LF:
Just one.
JW:
Well, just one.
LF:
Okay.
JW:
If you could be anything in the world, what would it be?
LF:
Oh, anything?
JW:
There is one correct answer.
LF:
Oh, oh, no, no. Anything? One thing?
JW:
If you wanna, anything if be anything in the world, what would you be?
LF:
Okay. Listen. I would be a giraffe.
JW:
A giraffe?
LF:
And hear me out. I’ve always, I have always wanted to be tall. And giraffe’s are tall.
JW:
I thought she was going with that long, graceful neck. Ok.
LF:
No, I just wanna be tall so I can stand up above and see everybody down below and, and just know what that’s like to be tall.
JW:
Well, I’m gonna disclose to our entire audience of 58 countries something that I did not realize. Lori wishes to be a giraffe. People. So that tells us all we need to know about her height. You know, we don’t publish her height, but if you see the photo on our website at www.livealifeby.design, you’ll see Lori’s vertically challenged a little bit. Yes. So I understand that. But now, Lori, let me reveal to all those waiting with baited breath anticipation on their faces as to what would Jimmy say?
LF:
Yes. I need to know this.
JW:
So I have given much thought. I’ve journaled about this for many, many days, and I said, if I could be anything on this planet, what would that be? And I said, immediately I would be kind.
LF:
Oh, so true.
JW:
Thank you everyone for listen this Week to Live Life by Design. Lori, we have a big, big show coming up. The next one is what number?
LF:
2-0-0!
JW:
200th episode! Folks, we’re gonna bring you something exciting. We’re gonna have some fun. Please recommend send the show links to your friends. This next show a week from today will be one that you can remember for a lifetime. And we have some exciting news we’ll be bringing at that time. So with that said, thank you for the hundred 99th episode that we now have published with all your great responses. We continue to get more and more downloads every month. And Lori and I only have one thing to ask is that you go out and-
LF:
Live a life by design!
