Do you ever feel the world has taken control of your life? In this episode, Lori and Jimmy share their strategies for regaining control and continuing in the momentum you need to accomplish life on your terms.
Episode Keys
- How Lori effectively deals with an illness that she can’t cure.
- Why you must control those things in your life that are controllable!
- When you must realize that life is causing you to miss your goals and what to do about it.
- Who to reach out to when you feel life is out of control.
- What is most important about controlling your life!
Podcast Transcript
LF:
Good Monday morning everybody. This is Lori Few and thank you for joining us this morning on Live a Life By Design podcast. I would be remiss to tell you that I am not by myself this morning, although you might be interested for that to happen again in the future, but not today. Today I have my co-host with the most, Mr. Jimmy Williams. Good morning, Jimmy.
JW:
Now, Lori, listen, today’s topic, it is just so obvious on why you opened the show. We all know as males on the planet, that the ladies literally control everything about 99%. So I wanted you to know, I think it’s great that you opened the show, took the purse strings in hand, as well as just drive the cart wherever you wish to go. So what are we gonna talk about, Lori, since you opened the show, what’s the topic for you today?
LF:
Well, so today we’re gonna talk about control. Obviously that’s the word. N not in that sense. Obviously, we’re gonna, we’re going to, to divulge into that topic a little bit, but talking about in the workplace times where you felt like you thought you may or may not have had control, and what you did to shift your mindset and your attitude to be able to get through, we’ll call it a rough patch if we, you know, for lack of a better term, for everybody that’s listening this morning. So we’re gonna talk about that in the interesting ways that we deal with those topics and how we overcome them in a very positive way, because that’s the way we focus on this podcast. We want everybody to be their bigger, better, bolder self, and we know that we can do that through positivity.
JW:
She really broached that subject really quickly. So my question to you is, my wife lets me know when I’m out of my rough patch because she’s the one that can put me in it. Take me out it. And I just kidding. You know, I’ve been married 35 years and I gotta tell you, I wouldn’t wanna change a thing. Well, maybe a couple, but wouldn’t wanna change anything between the two of us. We should have stayed in Hawaii last winter, about another week. Came back, it was too cold.
JW:
But, you know, at the end of the day, we’ve all been there. Lori, I’m glad you brought this up. How many times in your career, anytime you deal with other people, anytime you deal with a subordinate seniority type position, you know, anytime you’re dealing with any person, you’re gonna have some times that I think are simply out of your control. No matter how good you are, they’re just simply not gonna be in your control, wouldn’t you say?
LF:
I wholeheartedly agree with that. I think that at different times in, in your professional life, in, in your career, you’re gonna come across those situations where even in your best effort, you think, what is happening? Why can I not just seem to get control over a situation? A, a project personalities, emotions? I mean, there are so many things that go into that. And when you walk into it every day, you want to walk into it with a good positive sense of, I’m gonna accomplish something today. And sometimes that’s not what happens. And you know, there are two things that you can control. Speaking of the word that you know, this is the word of the day now. There are two things that you can control, and we’ve talked a lot about that. And that’s your attitude and your effort. And so really we wanna focus on those positive things because those are in your control. And no one can take that and change that.
JW:
Lori, I got a problem with your attitude and your effort. No. There’s the problem. No, I’m just kidding. No, that’s a great idea. Cuz you know what? You control your brain, your mindset. We’ve talked about it how many times on this podcast? And we’re nearing up the 200th episode that doesn’t even seem real.
LF:
Wow! 200. Wow.
JW:
Yeah. Yeah. Lori and I have got new hair colors since we started this. I mean, we’re no longer here.
LF:
You can’t see. Yeah, we’ve Got a few wrinkles you can’t see, but, you know.
JW:
I got a friend that does the Botox for us anyway. No, woohoo. So, you know, one of the things that we can control, as you said, is our attitude. How many people do you know that just see the glasses always half empty. Oh my goodness. It’s mentally draining for me. Right? If they’d won the lottery, the first thing to go is wow, great. Now I’m gonna pay a lot of taxes. I mean, come on!
LF:
Right? We all have those people. We really do. I mean, we all have those people. And, and you think what, what is makes them tick that way? You know, what is it that sets their, you know, their, their path? They’re beat to their own drum. I guess I, I don’t know. It’s interesting because we all have encountered those types of people, but I like to tend to surround myself with people that are like-minded that the glass is always half full. And that if the first thing when we win the lottery well, we go hire a really good attorney first. That’s the first thing we do to manage our big announcement if we win the lottery.
JW:
Lemme just throw you right here under that old bus as we start this morning, that’ll start your week. You’re in the hot seat, Lori. Here, here we go. Crazy question. In your professional career, you’ve been a professional woman all your life albeit not very many years being age 29, you’re still very young.
LF:
Yes. Thank you. Yes.
JW:
So, has there ever been a time in your professional career that you felt like you had things under control and then they just came unwound?
LF:
Well, I will tell you that I think that early on in my career, I felt like I had control in a situation where I knew deep down, I knew what I was doing was right and correct and honorable and, and all those things. But I had people that were, oh, not, oh, I don’t wanna say, you know, over me, but in a supervisory role for sure. That questioned everything that I did. And to me it was very disheartening because I had been left to kind of do this job by myself. And I showed up every day. I came to work on time, I stayed late, I made sure that things were done. And I just hated the fact of, it almost seemed that it was okay, I was doing my thing. I was, you know, making sure that everything was done and I was being a team player.
LF:
But then to be questioned almost about how, what, where and why after the fact is what I felt like I didn’t have any control over. And it was super disheartening to me because I felt like I was really putting in 110% and doing my part and pulling my weight. And I think sometimes that it, that’s in a, in a situation or an office type setting, a lot of times that’s what happens is it’s about perspective and about what you think you are doing and how it’s, you feel that it’s, you’re doing the right thing and for someone to come along and, and it just feels that like it’s being, you’re being accused or questioned or even kind of attacked. And that’s very harsh to say. And that’s probably not what the intention was at the time. But that’s just how it came across.
LF:
And so I really struggled a, about how I could make that better because I thought at the time that I was doing everything I needed to do. And, you know, later on, after the situation had kind of passed you know, I did wind up having that conversation with that those people that were in charge that I felt like were questioning me. And we came to a mutual understanding that it wasn’t that way at all. And they were sorry that I had interpreted that way, but they didn’t mean it that way. And I think sometimes that’s true. I think that we, you know, we, we put up the defenses of, well, what, what, what do you mean I, of course I’m doing everything I should do. How dare you? You know, you know, it’s don’t accuse me of something. But it’s not necessarily that. I think sometimes it gets lost in translation.
JW:
I I would never make it at the Pentagon or at the United Nations as an interpreter.
LF:
Right, it’s all about interpretation.
JW:
You know, I’m one of these people, I read a book and I saw videos meant even some training on body language. Yeah. So, you know, this is something that we need to realize. So back in undergrad school when I took speech, they said, did you know most communication, at least 90% of it, that was their estimate back then is nonverbal communication is what you say with your body, your eyes, your face your arm motions. It’s, you know, are your legs crossed? Are they not? This is telling the person that you’re trying to communicate with and two, something about you, no matter what your words may be saying. Right? And so, so true. You know, I’ve been in a similar situation. I went to work for an international firm starting out of undergrad school, and they were great people, but you know, you’re young, you’re green, green, and they give you something to do.
JW:
And they said, this is what we’d recommend. And you’re going down that path and all of a sudden you think, Hey, I got this thing kicked. Well, what I didn’t realize is, is there was some other facts I should have asked and did not, just based on my naivete being a young professional, thought I had ’em all covered. But then this wise old partner came to me and he said, Jimmy, he said, here’s what you have to learn about this profession. No one gives you all the facts and the facts they give you, most of ’em may not be accurate. So, yeah. And so I thought, you know, I just spent 30 hours researching, wrote this big research paper over this issue of a transaction that was gonna take place. And he literally in about five minutes didn’t tear it to shreds, but basically said, now go back to the drawing board and let’s do this again.
JW:
I was devastated. You know, I thought I wanted to show a good, you know, my, my superiors and partners hate how great I was. And they said, we understand, you know, all this, you know, all the, the county stuff, you know, all the tax reserve. The issue is you didn’t ask the questions though, to get the right answer. You got an answer, but it wasn’t the right one or wanting. So that taught me a lot about life. Always explore what you’re being told, who’s telling it and how they got the information. Don’t take for granted those things. That’s how you control what you think you can’t control. Always take that, in my opinion, drivers will. Right? You know, Hey, Jesus, take the wheel, that song by carry Underwood. This is where, you know, to be very honest with you. It’s where Lori takes the wheel and say, okay, yeah, great.
JW:
I got it. Now I know what I need to do. And step back and go, that was a learning experience. I learned from that. I learned what not to do. Like Thomas Edison Wright, I’ll never forget, they in interviewed Thomas Edison after his, another failed attempt at the light bulb filament. And they said, you know, Mr. Edison, Mr. Edison, how many times have you failed? It’s gotta be at least a thousand times. You’ve failed to get this experiment right. He goes, I’ve never failed. And they were astonished. And they said, what do you mean? He said, I just found a thousand ways that you can’t produce a filament in a light bulb. So I love it. Yeah, I’ve turned it into a positive, you know, so, well, let me ask you this. So that was a per professional item. Let me ask you something even tougher. Here we go. Oh, are you, are you buckled in, Lori?
LF:
Yeah, I’m ready.
JW:
In your personal life, has there ever been a time that you thought you had it under control and then something came along outta left field, rear view mirror, whatever you wanna call it, and boom, puts you right back in perspective of we really don’t control certain aspects of life?
LF:
Oh gosh, I, I, you know, I, ugh, there’ve been a couple of those. I mean, it’s almost like it’s like you see the train coming and you think you have time to cross the railroad tracks, and then it just comes out of nowhere. You know, I think we all had those experiences in 2020 during the pandemic. I think that personally we all had to shift our mindset of things that we completely thought we were prepared for. Whether it was social, emotional, financial, mental. There’s no way that any of us could have really, honestly been prepared for a hundred percent for what that was gonna do to, you know, life and daily life in general. Specifically for me, I have always kind of prided myself on the fact of I take care of myself. Well, I think I do. I mean, aside from, you know, a terrible coffee habit and dessert first, but…
JW:
I wasn’t gonna bring that up but anyway, go ahead. Yes.
LF:
Yeah, I would tell on myself. I mean, I just, I’m too honest. You know, I, I try to exercise, try to eat right, try to, you know, de-stress and do all those things. And of course I got sidelined with a chronic illness in 2020. And so, and absolutely out of my control. Autoimmune diseases are the most interesting yet frustrating if you will, for lack of a better term, because you can’t control it. You, you’re essentially told that this is what you have, you’ll have it forever. You can control it with diet and medication and see what happens, but ultimately it’s not ever gonna go away. And I think that that was probably the biggest, oh my goodness moment for me, I did not see that coming. I didn’t know what to do. I was completely sidelined, a flabbergasted, lack of, a lack of words, lack of knowledge.
LF:
And I think that that just really put perspective on here I am walking through life thinking that I’m in control. I know what I want, I know what I’m doing. I, you know, do what I want when I want. And all of a sudden I’m being told no, you can’t do that. And learning to accept that at first was really, really difficult. You go through all the gamut of emotions, fear, anger and now what the, you know, the big looming question of, and, and especially for women, cuz we do have control. I mean, that’s, that’s our thing. That’s what we do. We set the ball in motion for everybody in our lives and around us that we’re team players. We’re here to see it through, through the end. And we’re helpers and we’re doers. And so when you find that in your personal life, that moment of screeching halt and you, you know, have to learn to adjust, I, I just definitely think that, that I’ve had that happen. And even going forward daily, for me, it’s a constant mind battle in myself of, you know, today’s another day, we’ve gotta get up and do these things. You don’t have anything that can, you know, set you back except for your mental mindset. And so if you have a positive mental mindset of “it’s another day, we gotta keep going”, then that’s what keeps you going.
JW:
You’re a brave, brave woman as well. You seem to just continue to move forward in life, right? Which is what we have to do.
LF:
We have to.
JW:
It’s just one of those things in life, you don’t often get to control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond to what happens, right? Yep. You know, I’ll never forget everybody always accuses me said, why are you always so positive? You know, don’t you have any terrible things that happen in life? And I go, well, I do. I just don’t tend to wanna dwell on the reason they happen. I wanna learn from them and know what I can do differently to respond when they happen.
LF:
Well, and I think that’s – I completely agree with the word response because if you know how to respond, then you can help other people that are going through a similar scenario or situation to help them respond in a different way. Because so oftentimes we find that people get downtrodden in their emotions and in their feelings, and they feel, you know, I mean, depression is a real thing. And if you can help someone learn to respond appropriately in a different way, then that could potentially make all the difference for someone.
JW:
I purposely used the word respond versus react. Now, reactive to me is a negative emotion, right? You’re just reacting to something, it’s blowing off steam or you’re upset and yelling at something. But responding means I have at least a calculable thought before I said, or did or took whatever action I did based on a set of factors, right? Somebody said something to me. So I’ll never forget, as we’re driving home from Little Rock, Arkansas, it’s about a four hour drive for us to get home. And it is after my sister, 35 year old sister just passed with leukemia. They had done all they could, transplant, didn’t work, whatever. And I’m so anybody that knows of me, I tend to enjoy being gregarious. I talk about different topics during the day, and my wife said, you haven’t said a word for two hours. And I didn’t even realize, you know, you’re just driving along with the interstate and your mind is just flowing with all these thoughts about memories and oh goodness, now we’ve got a celebration of life to put forward.
JW:
Well mean you, you just wanna do honor to that person, right? And then my mind goes to her three-year-old, eight-year-old, 12 year old child, still at home. And I’m just like, oh man, this, how’s that gonna work? You just have this flood of emotion. You have these flood of thoughts come along and you realize, you know, I don’t control any of that except my response and my emotion to what’s being thrown at me. And then the next two hours we drove home, my wife and I were just talking about all those wonderful memories, and literally they just came flooding back of how much fun we have with my sister. And still to this day, we recall memories that I hadn’t thought about in years. And to me, that’s how you take back the control of your mindset when the world says, aha. Gotcha. You weren’t expecting this. And you know what happens to all of us? At some point in life, no one here that I know of on this planet has ever said nothing, never negatives happened to me. Right,
LF:
Right. Well, and you know me, I love quotes. And so when you, what you just said reminded me of one of my favorite ones, you need self-control in an out of control world.
JW:
Ooh, I like that. You need self-control in an out of control world. I thought you were gonna go with the old standbys. Always be careful when you sit while wearing spurs. But anyway, so I didn’t know where you were going with that. Yeah, so that could go negative real quick.
LF:
Ooh, no.
JW:
Be careful where you squat when wearing spurs. I think actually say but anyway, how that popped in my head. See folks, this is totally just off the cuff this morning. I’m not sure why I said that.
LF:
This is un-caffienated Jimmy.
JW:
Yes it is. I may even be decaffeinated. But that’s a terrible coffee. Whoever thought of decaf, I don’t know but…
LF:
Decaf, ugh. No.
JW:
Don’t you just drink dirty water, as my mother says.
LF:
Yes. Yes, I agree.
JW:
Hey, at the end of the day, let’s talk about the top three things we can give in closing to help us become more, shall we say, in control of the things around us when we realize we’ve lost control, what can we do to regain it? What do you think are one of those two or those things you use to regain control?
LF:
Oh, goodness. Perspective.
JW:
That’s a good one.
LF:
When things are out of control, like legitimately chaos, it’s, it’s all about perspective for me. That that would be the first one. What about, what about one of yours?
JW:
So the first thing I do, you’re gonna laugh. I actually pull out my planner and I look back to the things that I’ve written that I’ve accomplished good to kinda give me a timeline of where I’m at in life, so to speak. And I know that sounds corny, but what it does, it gives you traction. So if yours is perspective, mine’s traction. I gotta regain traction on where I’m at in life to move forward. So it’s, it’s just one of those easy things to do and it works for me. So it’s again, setting that mindset, that true north compass, you’re holding up that thing there, you know, that journal or whatever you need to get centered again in your old boom, I’m ready to go. You get the last word. What’s the one for you? Last word on this.
LF:
Probably tactic or tactics.
JW:
Tactics, yeah.
LF:
How, how, you know, what you use in your arsenal to help regain that control. You know, whether, like you said, whether it’s a planner, whether it’s mindset, whether it’s a sticky note, whether it’s talking to somebody that you trust or maybe it’s talking to a family member or even a, a supervisor, what tactics do you have in your arsenal that you’re going to use to try to help you gain, you know, recenter and gain control again?
JW:
I wasn’t gonna really say this, but I think I am now because what I do is to change my mindset. I need to change the vision I have as to what I’m seeing. Too many of us dwell in the mud and wonder wire, her clothes are dirty, right? So, so what I try to do is if I have something that’s popped around like that in my head and I go back to my journal, the next thing I wanna do, don’t laugh, Lord, this is it. You can’t laugh cause I’m being honest. Here. Here we go. Okay. I actually watch some really silly sitcoms. I love Big Bang Theory, something like that. And they are just laughing and having a good time and whatever that does, it just creates in my mindset like you wouldn’t believe. I just start laughing. I get these things pushed in the back of my head and now I’m back to my normal, you know, self, if you will. So to me, that’s how you take back control, Lori, is it’s all about you. Now you can sit back and you can whimper about it, or you can do what you have in your power. And that is to grab yourself by that collar, pull yourself up, shake yourself off, and go, I gotta go forward.
LF:
That’s right. That’s absolutely true. But I do have to say one thing. Do you ever reference to someone that they’re in your spot?
JW:
Yes. I actually do at my house.
LF:
I love Sheldon! Seldon always says, “that’s my spot. You’re in my spot.”
JW:
Because the breeze in the, in the spring and the heat in the winter, and he has the same spot’s. And I gotta tell you, that’s perfect spot. You’re, you’re gonna laugh. I actually have a perfect spot in the refrigerator. I like for my things to be in and my wife just cannot stand it. And I’ll move her stuff, her condiments outta the way and put ’em on a shelf. She goes, they go in the door. I go, no. What goes in the door? Are these items I like right here so I can get to them? Is that not crazy?
LF:
But that’s, that’s a perfect spouse. Cause she’s letting you have control of the refrigerator.
JW:
So what’s you’re truly saying, and gentlemen, you heard her say it straight from the woman’s mouth, is she is allowing us to think we’re in control of the marriage when she truly is. Hey, thank you so much for listening this week. Lori, you are a dynamo. This was a great topic, I think. Great job on that. And I just wanna challenge everyone this week. Don’t settle in with the fact that life is ruined. The whole day has been ruined. Just because you find yourself in a difficult position out of your control, reach down deep. Do something to change that mindset. Pivot away from whatever’s causing you to feel like your life is spiraling outta control, whatever that may be. Keep perspective. Read your journals, think about traction of where you’ve been so you can take off to where you wish to go. Lori, if you’ll close this away.
LF:
Go out, have a great week, and live a life by design!