Do you ever wonder how you could become a more effective and inspirational person? In this episode, Lori and Jimmy share their thoughts and ideas on implementing the lessons published in the book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
Episode Keys
- The importance of private and public victories to help you focus on others’ needs as well as strengthening your own mindset.
- How to implement the 7 habits.
- Why you must focus on self-care to empower yourself to help others.
- When to “sharpen your saw” for the best outcomes in a challenging situation.
- How to develop habits that are truly transformational in your life!
Podcast Transcript
JW:
[Singing] It’s a great day for me. My life is great…
LF:
Jimmy! Jimmy! What are you doing?
New Speaker:
Hey man! I’m enjoying Monday, like I always do.
LF:
Yeah, but it’s Monday. It’s podcast day.
JW:
Oh yes, right! Monday morning. Moments of motivation. Thank you very much. I forgot about that.
LF:
Come on, now. We’ve got to get with the program this morning. This morning, we’re talking about something really, really important to our listeners. We’re going to talk about the seven habits of highly effective people. Only, we’re going to put a Jimmy twist on it… Seven habits of highly effective and inspirational people.
JW:
Oh, I just love how that rolls out of your mouth. Isn’t that great to be inspirational to someone? You know, this book that we’re going to talk about today was a 1989 publication, when its first year it came out. Now I don’t want to say anything, but I don’t even think you were born.
LF:
Oh, you’re too kind. I was, I was nine.
JW:
Well, you were a very young lady at that point, as you are now much younger, I should say. But you know, at the end of the day, the point I love about this book is, it didn’t tell us anything earth shattering that we probably didn’t already know. But what it did do is it put it in a framework that we could use and implement to be more effective and inspirational to others. And wouldn’t that be great for our world?
LF:
Well, of course, especially on a Monday morning. I mean you’re already singing praises, but the rest of us need a little bit of boost or a little oomph to get going.
JW:
I don’t want to brag this morning. I’m running on pure chocolate milk. That’s what I had.
LF:
Chocolate milk… Come on. I do hear, though, that you could put chocolate milk in coffee.
JW:
Yes. I understand they do that now.
LF:
It’s supposedly good, but I think I’ll just stick to the regular caffeine jolt.
JW:
I’ll tell you what folks, if you don’t think we’re having fun, you’re missing out. Hey good morning, Lori zfew with me this morning. This is Jimmy Williams, your a co-host for Live a Life By Design, your Monday morning moments of motivation and Lori has got one for you today, folks. She and I are going to share just a few thoughts about the seven habits. Now a habit, Lori, what’s a habit mean to you?
LF:
A habit… They say you create a habit after you do something three times.
JW:
Maybe some of us take 10, knowing me. But anyway… If the habit is not drinking chocolate milk, I’ll never get it done. But you know, one of the things about a habit is, is that it’s something we do subconsciously. I mean, you just do it because you’ve always done it. Case in point – when you get up in the morning to put your pants on, not to get personal, but do you stop and think, “I need to put my right leg in first”?
LF:
I don’t know. It depends on if I’m really awake or not.
JW:
Okay. This is a family rated show, Lori. Okay. Don’t get into that again.
LF:
I think you’re right. I don’t think about left or right. I just think about that I need to do that.
JW:
Well, you know the beautiful thing about this book… Now, Stephen Covey was such a great thinker that he gave us the methods that we can go about creating these habits. And he said we had private victories and we have public victories. So let’s just start off talking about what are those private victories?
LF:
So, the first habit under private victories is be proactive. So what does being proactive mean to Jimmy?
JW:
Oh man, I tell you what, you gotta do me a favor. I would rather calm down a fanatic, then warm up a corpse. You know what I’m saying? That is proactive to me.
LF:
That is very proactive.
JW:
Yeah. So one of the things about being proactive is we put our vision into action. So it’s not just something you put on paper about how you want your life to be. You’re proactive in seeking and growing and trying to attain those things as your personal vision mark. That’s my thoughts.
LF:
Well, I hate to take a dark twist, but when you said proactive right off the bat, I automatically lean to, I have to know what’s coming next and I’m just waiting and preparing for the other shoe to drop.
JW:
Are you one of those?
LF:
I’m one of those. I don’t mean to be in my intention, but it’s true when you said proactive, the first thing I thought was, “Okay, what now? What what’s happening? What’s next? What’s coming? What bad thing could happen?” I don’t always need mean to be in that mindset, but I think depending on what day or what time it is, it’s very probable that I’m being proactive in a negative way.
JW:
So we’re going to turn that frown upside down right here and get you proactive in a positive way. You do remind me a little bit of my grandmother on my mother’s side, Granny Effie. And yes, that’s her name, Effie.
LF:
I love that name!
JW:
Granny Effie was of the mindset that, “Goodness it’s raining in July. I’ll bet the yard will be muddy.” I’m like, “Come on grandmother. How often does it rain in July? This is a great thing.” “Oh, but you don’t understand,” you know?
LF:
Yeah, Chicken Little, the sky is falling. Yes. I’m with Grandma Effie. I can totally get that.
JW:
Yeah. So being proactive, just take things that are taking action in the way you want and in the direction you wish. That is the key for me.
LF:
I love that. I think that’s positive and I think it’s probably influential. I think that’s what people need to hear because that’s definitely not where I was going with being proactive.
JW:
Folks, we have different interpretations of how this book works, but hey, we’re all entitled to our own opinion.
LF:
Yes, and we’re all about giving you multiple avenues to explore this first habit. So let’s move on to habit two: begin with the end in mind. Now I think this one’s a little bit interesting because I could, again, take it down a dark path, but I won’t, I think this one is more interpreted for me with think about the end result and how you work to get there and what tools you need in your tool belt to be able to accomplish that end result. It could be something small, like creating a habit. It takes me three times. It takes Jimmy ten, I mean just, he needs a little repetitiveness.
JW:
Maybe more.
LF:
But you know, knowing what you need, setting out those tools in order, sometimes things get out of order. But if you have the end in mind and you know that you’re working towards that goal, you can see that light at the end of the tunnel. So what does it mean for you?
JW:
Yeah, so similar-type thing. So I never start a project that I don’t have a vision in my mind. And don’t laugh folks, I’m a paper guy. You know, I write in journals all the time. I actually go in and describe what the ideal outcome for me would be on this particular project. And then I simply try to link them together, right? Take the steps, get the right people, right butts in the seat, as they say to help with the project, get those creative minds. And that’s the beautiful thing. Now I’m in this “who, not how” methodology. So some of these steps, I don’t even know what to do, but I know what outcome I want. So I start with the end in mind. So I’m going to say, “Here’s what I want it to look like.” And I work backwards. So think about how you measure life. If you’re always sitting here looking at the ideal and going, “Oh, I want this to work out perfectly. And I want my son to marry a princess,” and all of this. Well, I got news for you. It just doesn’t work that way. And then what happens? We go in what I call the gap. “Life isn’t good. I just didn’t get the ultimate pinnacle of what I wanted.” But if you look backwards and you see the growth that you’ve had over the last few years or months, to me, that means that end in mind. So when you started and you look back and you go, “Well, I look like I’ve grown a lot,” you know? And so at the end of the day, that’s what I look at when I think of the end in mind. So I start with that end result in my mind before I step one.
LF:
So another way to say that, in my mind, would be “”good in the goal. You may not necessarily reach the goal, but if you can find the good in the goal, it keeps you motivated to keep going and keep striving and keep maintaining that sense of, “I’m going to get there someday. Today might not have been that day, but I’m going to keep going.” There’s good in the goal.
JW:
And I don’t want to say this the wrong way, because for years I have said progress, not perfection. Then someone pointed out to me, that was what they tell you at AA. So not a member of AA, great program, I’m not knocking it, but I always believe as humans, if we make progress, not perfection, then we have moved forward from the past to the present and we can see a bigger goal ahead. Right? So climb the mountain one step at a time.
LF:
Whew, one step. That’s a big mountain. Some mountains are bigger than others. And thinking of the end first, it tends to kind of lead to… You know, and I know that there are people out there that are type a personalities similar to mine that might have just a little bit of OCD kicking in there. You know, if you get out of order or the steps don’t come as easily as you intended for them to do, or when things kind of get, you know, we call it squirrel, we start with one and then we get distracted and then we squirrel and we jump around and then eventually we come back and there’s something thought provoking in that sentiment, to know that it’s still okay. Even if you don’t get there in a straight line, it’s still okay.
JW:
I say life’s a little messy sometimes. Who wants to be on a straight upward trajectory? You know, you miss all the beauty of what’s on the side trips, right? So there’s a lack of these NFL coaches. You know, one of my favorite coaches was Tom Landry. Cause there was no other team for me as a child, but the Dallas Cowboys. And so when Roger Staubach was sitting there on the sidelines talking to Landry and I’ll never forget, he came out on the TV one day and don’t laugh. We only got three channels back then, but he came out on that Saturday morning and the gentlemen asked him, he said, “Coach said how do you prepare for the season? How do you get the men ready to play?” I’ll never forget. He always had this very serious, but yet affectionate look about it. And he said, “Well, what I do is I start with, this is a football.” He goes back to the fundamentals and he said, “Then I show them the previous trophies. And I show them that ring in the stadium.” The old stadium didn’t have the top on it. And they would see those years they won the Super Bowl. So what’s he really saying, start with the end in mind. We want to win that big trophy. But first this is a football.
LF:
So, see, it is pretty cool. And it’s such a simple statement. Sometimes we overcomplicate things. We get in our own head and we let the outside influences kind of infiltrate. You know what, especially when you share your goals, I find that sometimes when people share their ultimate goals, they feel intimidated or they feel like that’s not a big enough goal, or that’s not a big enough accomplishment. And as building people up and staying in that positive mindset, because we told you, ladies and gentlemen, we are going to give you some motivation and some positivity this morning that, you know, be happy for people, even if their goals are small, even if they’re large and you don’t think that there’s any way that they’re ever going to be able to accomplish them, be the cheerleader, be the ra-ra. You know, life is too short. And what you find as a goal may not be a goal to someone else, but there’s always something good in supporting each other.
JW:
Got to tell you a little secret I want to pass along to all of our great listeners subscribers. If it’s a give up goal, in other words, I want to lose weight. I want to quit drinking tea, chocolate milk. Well, that went drastic real quick. But if it’s a give-up goal, I tell everybody because then they can hold me accountable. “Hey, I saw you. You were eating pizza. You shouldn’t have been eating pizza.” And if it’s a go-up goal, I don’t tell anyone. Now here’s my theory. If I’m in a competitive world and I say, “I want to be the number one entrepreneur in the market in which I live,” I’ll bet you I’ve got several, just like your very talented husband that go, “Whoa, wait a minute, pal. I want to be the number one entrepreneur.” So I don’t tell my go-up goals to anyone, but I share my give-up goals to everybody.
LF:
And I think that’s a great rule of thumb. And I think everyone should write that down. Write down your go-up goals and write you- give up goals. Write those down and make sure that you keep a log of that. Because I think that’s a very important piece of advice. So moving along and into habit three. Now this is the last habit in the private victory sector. Put first things first.
JW:
Ooh boy, let me tell you where I stand on that. That means priorities. So you know, what good is it to be one of the most wealthy men on the planet if you have no one to share it with no family, your children don’t want anything to do with you? That type of thing. I’ve always been the balance guy. I liked balance in life. And you talked about OCD. I’m just a little bit of that myself, but I like to balance things out. So if I have work and personal life together and they’re pretty close to balance, I’ll tell you I don’t always get it right. But when I do it works out great. But what I’d like to share is this, to everyone listening is one thing to remember that balance in our life is going to give us a more rewarding lifestyle than simply chasing gold.
LF:
That’s so easy to say, but so difficult to do. And I find myself as a working mother and community member, that it is hard to find that balance. It’s out there, I’m still chasing it. I think that’s probably one of my go-up goals. And I think as a woman in the community and having a child at home and wanting to put your best foot forward, you’re constantly keeping that in your mindset that I have to find the balance. I have to find the balance. One of the things that I think I’ve learned just in the last two years is it’s okay to say no. If it doesn’t benefit someone, if it doesn’t serve the purpose that you’re working towards, or if it cuts into your family time. And that’s the hardest thing, because you always think I can do that later. I can go home later. My family will be there. When I get there, you just really have to focus and commit to the things that you’re super passionate about and be willing to say no. And I think people respect you when you say that so that they can prepare, they can know what they know what to expect, especially if you’re on their team or you’re part of that work environment. Being capable of saying that is so hard. The word, no, it’s just an ugly word. We don’t ever, we don’t want to say it to anyone. We don’t want to say it to our spouse. We don’t want to say it to our kids. We don’t want to say it to our employer. We need to come up with another word.
JW:
Yeah, I agree. But I will tell you, this is important too. Like when you get on the airplane, what’s the one thing they tell you, those of you traveling with children put the child’s mask on first. No, they don’t say that. They say put yours on first, because if you’re not very well in your breathing, you’re not going to help the child at all. Right? And so I think a lot of us need to understand when you need to put ourselves first, both mental health, physical health, spiritual health, all of those need to put yourself first. So you’re a very busy working mom/wife/slash community builder. You do it all. So why are you wasting like four hours a night, sleeping?
LF:
Yeah, right? Who needs that? That’s what we have coffee for. I mean, sleep is overrated.
JW:
You know, I used to think that, but I’ve got another book, I’ll tell you next time we have a podcast, it’s all about sleep and I’m going, I like that.
LF:
Well, unless I can put it under my pillow and lay on it and through osmosis… You know, and that’s another thing like you, you know what, we’ll talk about that at another time, but learning to say no, but in that moment, finding time to do the things you really, really want to do.
JW:
Yeah. So those private victories are so important. So just be proactive in the way you conduct yourself. You know, start with the end in mind, but first things first. So prioritize, start with the end in mind, and be proactive helps you those private victories. But talk to me about what’s he mean by public victories?
LF:
I’m not really sure. Now, remember this book came out when I was nine. And I remember studying this book in college thinking, “Oh, this is another one of those assignments that I have to do. And I have to read this book.” But public victories, I tend to think that that means what, what you see in public on the outside. I don’t know, versus the, you know, the private, like a lot of times people talk about, well, “You know, you’ve seen her in public and she’s a different person in private.” I tend to think that out of a respect, I mean, we have social norms. We have social cues that yes, people behave differently than, you know, some people behave differently in public versus private. But one of the first habit under public victory is think win-win.
JW:
So here’s what I want you folks listening to think about. Lori’s right on track with this, the private victories are working on yourself. The public victories are working on others.
LF:
You say that so much better than I do. He’s so much more eloquent this early in the morning.
JW:
I don’t know about that. It’s just maybe all that caffeine she’s ingested all day. So what happens here is when you think about this, win-win, so here’s the point I try to make in any business arrangement, I always feel like if both of us can walk away from the table feeling we’ve gained something, that’s probably the best deal possible. If one side walks away going, “Well, boy, I got taken on that deal,” then that’s not a win-win. And so I think Dr. Covey’s trying to get to us to say, be fair, allow it to find that point of contentment where both of you can win in the arrangement. Both friends when it’s not like you over your friend or, better yet, both spouses. Right? So I know the Bible tells us, you ladies will be submissive to your husbands, not just getting biblical on you, but I keep telling people, it also says right after that, men treat your wives as yourself. So you’re equal, your lifetime partner. Right? So I always tell people win-win to me is in every aspect is what I attempt. Do I always get there? Nope, but we’re working on it.
LF:
But I think that the key word there is fair. If we strive to, to work towards that, just to be fair in everything that we do with every relationship, private relationship, public relationship, working environment, you know, even with your friends. So many times, like you said, if you both walk away going, “Well, I got taken in that. That’s that wasn’t the result that I was looking for.” We tend to get jaded and cynical. And so when it’s a win-win for everybody, you know, that fairness had a hand in that.
JW:
I’ll be honest with you. I had days in my early career where I could see people that didn’t use a win-win methodology, and I didn’t really want to hang around them because their personality, nobody wants to hang around someone that’s always going to win and you lose. You know, it’s like that, you’re the first loser if you’re in second place kind of thing. But at the end of the day, we need to look at every interaction with people, those we don’t know and those we do as a means to not only lift ourselves up, but also to lift them up in that conversation.
LF:
And I completely agree with that. So habit number five, I think this is probably my favorite of all seven: seek first to understand then to be understood.
JW:
I don’t know how many times speaking across this country that I have used that line. And I always attribute to him. Because I read that like, you know, in 1989, when I was much older than you at the time, now that that to me means certain things. It means first listen, and then respond. Too often, we’re so busy sitting here thinking, “What are we going to say? What are we going to say?” We don’t listen to what you’re really saying. And our response may not be as helpful or as it should be. But at the end of the day, seek first to understand, understand what that person’s doing, their background. What are they going through right now? So I, you know, I’m going to give you a horror story. We have a client going through a very difficult divorce during COVID and all this stuff. And they’ve been married 41 years. They’re in their sixties. This lady has been like the rock of Gibraltar. And she comes to visit our office and we’re all spaced out and everything in the way of these barriers there. And I’ll just move the barriers. Because we’re so far apart, I’m just going, “How do you feel?” I’m not a psychologist. I’m not claiming to be one, but I will tell you, she is so good to say, “Well, tell me how you’re doing.” And I’ll go, “But this is about you. Tell me what I can do.” And so we have this little jousting for about a minute. And finally, I would just say, “As a gentlemen, would you please go first?” And you know, she’s a lady. Well, one of our other team members has sat in the room to try and take notes and she’s doing like one of those tennis match watchers kind of, okay, well, who’s got the ball?
LF:
Who’s going to talk first? Who’s going to cave,
JW:
So my point to her to be is this, is, I always seek to first understand the position they’re in because a lot of times body language says it and we’re not watching. Their words may state it. We’re not listening. Because we’re so worried about what we’re going to say. And to me, it’s just so important for communication to be a receiver and a transmitter.
LF:
And I think you’re absolutely right. And with COVID, it’s been really difficult to be with people in the same room. So we’ve really had to rely on communication through phone and through FaceTime and video chat. And one of the things that I find, I do a lot of work in public relations. And I talk to a lot of people and I talk to a lot of parents and I’ll get an upset or angry situation. And I always start the conversation with, “How can I help you?” And sometimes it’s, you know, different levels. Sometimes we start out really calm and we get to the bottom of the issue really quickly and we move forward and we come to an agreement and an understanding, and, you know, that’s that. But sometimes you get a person who is just extremely agitated and upset. And when you say, “What can I do to help you?” Sometimes if you just take that two seconds to pause and let them tell you, what you find is that it’s not necessarily what they’re calling about isn’t necessarily the issue. They just need somebody to listen. Because the story will start with one element and then before, you know it has snowballed into a completely different scenario. And by the end of it, sometimes people are crying. Sometimes people are laughing and sometimes people are just saying, I just needed to get that off my chest. I just needed somebody to hear my side. And just taking that moment to pause, to think of someone else before you insert your preconceived idea or your notion, or in your defense, we get so defensive. And I’m probably just as guilty as the next person, but we have to take a moment to breathe. Just take a breath, take a beat and know that sometimes, and don’t get offended, Jimmy, that sometimes it’s not all about you.
JW:
Ooh boy, that hurt. That hurt. Now that was uncalled for.
LF:
I think that can be applied, not to just Jimmy, but all of us.
JW:
You know, hopefully we can get our engineer to edit that out. You know what, I agree a hundred percent, but I’ve got to tell you, going back to this lady, I was telling you about being divorced and she’s 60 plus years old. The first two times she came into our office. It was so funny. I had one of the team members in there with me as I always do. If I have a lady there and it’s just me, I always have someone else with us, and she’s sitting there. And all I did was say, “And ,ow are we today?” That was all I said the whole time she was in there an hour. And this lady just went talking. I mean, had to get this unloaded off her mind, off her chest, get her spirit back to where it needed to be at least in some semblance of being peaceful. And it was so funny at the end of the discussion. I said, “Let me see your notes, Shelby.” And Shelby shows me and says, “Jimmy said, ‘How are you doing.'” The rest of it? She got like two pages.
LF:
She took good notes.
JW:
You shook her hand in a way you went, that’s it.
LF:
And that is so true. And sometimes just that sentiment on a human level, asking someone, “How are you?” And knowing that the response could be, “Oh, I’m fine!” Or you get a suitcase completely unpacked from start to finish. And that’s okay too. And we have to be willing to say, it’s okay. It is okay.
JW:
That is good advice. Very good advice.
LF:
It’s just truth. And I think so much of what we spend time talking about on this podcast is people and relationships with people. And that is really all we have at the end of the day.
JW:
Absolutely. Everything else goes away.
LF:
So habit six. Now you might have to explain this one to me a little bit, Jimmy because, synergize.
JW:
Oh, I love this. So synergize really, when you’re looking at public victories, is where you involve others with you by taking their talents, adding to your talents. One plus one can equal three, perhaps. And what he mans by synergizes to get those that provide energy to you to accomplish that victory for the other people. So let me talk about this. So for example, you ever been in a room with someone that just mentally drains you with their personality? I mean, I’m not those kinds of guys that like to sit and listen to that, you know, just woe is me, the world’s falling apart. I mean, they have not had a good day. Matter of fact, their dog, they rescued from the pound, ran back to the pound. I mean, this is, these are people. These are people that have bad days. But when you synergize with someone, you not only share your energy with them, you grow from their energy. Again, that public victory, we’re all in it together. We’re all pulling for the same victory. We’ve got the end in mind, as we said earlier, but we’re all pulling the sled in the same direction and we’re pulling it with our best effort. That is synergy. So one plus one may equal three, and then I add one more to it. Now I’ve got one plus one plus one that may equal six in terms of energy. So we synergize to grow the outcome.
LF:
Okay, I was totally thinking along the lines of Jazzercise instead of synergize. Honestly, I was sitting there going, what does that mean?
JW:
I am sitting there picturing myself a pair of pair of pink tights. And I don’t think I can get there.
LF:
Please don’t, please don’t. We don’t need that visual this morning, ladies and gentlemen.
JW:
I have dance lessons in the past. As you know, I’ve danced.
LF:
I’ve seen. I have witnessed some of those.
JW:
The videos are for sale on my Amazon page as well.
LF:
There was some Elvis in there at one time. Which, I know you’re a huge fan.
JW:
Big Elvis fan. The guy could have done no wrong in my eyes.
LF:
So synergy, let’s expound on that a little bit. It can work both ways though. Of course, like you said, the negativity side of that. So we find ourselves right now kind of stuck in a negative synergy. What advice do you give someone to work their way out of that group or cooperative situation?
JW:
Oh man, I’m glad you said that. So let me tell you one thing I did. I got stuck in a… well, this group think kind of thing several years ago. And I thought I went into it with my whole mindset. Like me, the world’s always, you know, got rainbows and butterflies…
LF:
The chocolate milk is always half full?
JW:
Yeah, the chocolate milks always flowing, is half full. Right? So, you know, I go into this group and all of a sudden it just took one or two people with the negativity and just the, what I consider to be basically just kind of almost running other people down that weren’t in the room. And I quickly saw, you know, I don’t know that this is for me. And so I quickly said, “Hey, you know what? This has been a wonderful day for me, but I’m going to have to excuse myself and, and do some other things that I need to that are probably a little more productive. And you guys have a great day.” And I walked out, well, I got this email like an hour later that said, “Well, why did you leave? What was going on? You didn’t even stay for the best part.” And I sent back, “W”ell, what was the best part? And they said, “Well, after about an hour, we finally started talking about the project.” And I said, “I’ll tell you what, best of luck with that and have a good time. And I hope it goes well and successful.” And I never let myself get pulled back in. You have to protect, like it said, first things first, I have to protect my emotions, my mental state, my thinking from being in those kinds of negative environments, I just don’t like the controversy. I don’t like the drama. You know, we hire great people at our office. And the first thing we always notice is we just don’t hire drama. We’re here to help our people that need help, but we don’t hire drama.
LF:
Keep your drama out of it.
JW:
Oh gosh, yeah.
LF:
That’s really good advice. And I think that goes back to goes back to saying no. You know, you’re not going to let yourself get sucked in. You’re not going to let yourself be downtrodden by someone else’s negativity. And I know that’s a hard concept, but it’s doable. And it’s one of those habits that we’re just going to have to keep working on-
JW:
Until you learn to say that big humongous two letter word, and you say it with passion and compassion, you’re going to get stuck in some real bad ruts. And so I always say to people, “Hey, you know, I’d love to, but let me tell you what I’ve got on my plate. I’m just not able to devote the time needed for that for you to have a successful whatever. “And you just have to say no.
LF:
And that’s okay. So we’ve covered private victories, public victories, and now for the third and final part: renewal, with habit, number seven, sharpen the saw.
JW:
So this goes back,, Lori to two lumberjacks working away in the Northwest. You know, giant sequoias, they’re trying to chop them down. And the one lumberjack looks across the way and he noticed the gentleman over there sitting down,.well, he just keeps a-whacking away. And I mean, he spent hours on this tree and it’s still standing. He looks over there again, and his friend is still sitting down. And then all of a sudden he’s just working away and he looks over and he looks the way where that gentleman was and his tree is falling. Meanwhile, his own tree is still standing. They were of similar size. So he’s now puzzled. He walks all the way over there, yards and yards away. And he walks over to the man and he says, “Wait a minute.” He says, “What is going on? Every time I took a break and looked up just for a breather for a minute, you’re sitting down. And then all of a sudden I look up and your tree has been failed and I’m still sitting here working. What is going on?” And then he said, “Well, I got some news for you. So every time that I was sitting down, I wasn’t resting. I was sharpening my saw.” So we can’t just sit here and hammer away at things in life. We need to step back, take another look at the picture. Perhaps there’s a better approach. Perhaps we just need to refocus our mindset and see if what we’re doing is in the best interest of the organization. Are we tackling it in the right manner? Do we have all the tools available? Don’t just keep whacking away at something. Right? So Elon Musk, one of the greatest minds of our current century and this guy works 18 hour, 20 hour day sleeps in his office. None of that of which I admire. I just don’t. Not his work ethic. I do admire his brilliance, his creativity, but he himself said he even steps back from some of the most challenging of circumstances and has to sharpen his saw in his mind to going, “Okay, how else can I tackle this? Where’s another way to find a real solution to this?” And so to me, sharpening, your saw means just restoring yourself, renewing your mind, resharpening the tools in your mind. And what did you not believe that perhaps if you step back from the battle, you might be able to see the battlefield a little better?
LF:
Oh my goodness. I just keep having this flashback to early on in my marriage when it was a constant… I know this is so trivial now looking back on it, but at the time it was so just raw and infuriating and angry. It has to do with the dishwasher. It’s really embarrassing for me to even tell this story, but I mean, it just hit me when you were explaining that and talking about that, I used to get so frustrated and aggravated about the dishwasher not being loaded the way I thought it needed to be loaded. And I remember just picking a fight about it. Like, “Why can’t you just do it this way?” And I remember Justin looking at me and saying, “It doesn’t matter how you load it. As long as the dishes get clean.” And it’s the exact same concept. And I really was so in the moment, young, newly married, super combative frustrated, you’re not going to tell me that I’m wrong. And it just hit me when he made that statement, I thought, okay. And that night, I remember laying in bed thinking, well, this can’t be right. There’s no way it can’t. I bet they’re not clean. So of course the next morning I go and I unload it. And of course it’s chaotic and disastrous and things are not even on the right shelves and the cups are upside down, but they were clean. And so I had to really step back and think, “Okay, it’s not my way. It’s not my battle to pick anymore.” And so I’ve really had throughout our marriage, we now call it the dishwasher debacle. And so if we’re not agreeing on something or we’re not working together like I think we should be, or, you know, if he doesn’t think that, the other can throw down the dishwasher debacle card and it’s “Oh, okay. Let’s take a minute. Let’s reset. Let’s think about this.” You know, we’re adults, we can figure this out and we don’t have to get aggravated or frustrated, but it’s okay that there are multiple ways to do the same thing and get the same goal.
JW:
I got to tell you, there is only one thing I would disagree with her wonderful husband on, and that is, there is truly only one way to do a dishwasher. And I know how that is because I’ve got to tell you, you can do it wrong. I don’t like my cups on the bottom because stuff from the pans, drip on the cups. You get more spots. I know that sounds OCD, but there is a correct way, folks. So don’t take from her while she’s saying that she’s letting this go because in her back of her mind, she’s going, “I still know I’m right.”
LF:
Yes. You want to be right.
JW:
But sharpen your saw. So when you did that, you looked at it a different way, perhaps from a different angle, different set of circumstances. And you realized though, what does it matter? As long as the end result’s the same? So he was right. You were right. It’s a draw. How’s that sound?
LF:
We’ll take it. I’ll take a draw. I don’t like to take defeat, but I can take a draw.
JW:
And so let’s just recap this just a little bit. So, think about your private victories, where you’re working on yourself this week. And the one thing to do is be proactive. Good things. Don’t come to those who wait all the time. You have to do some proactivity, right? And then also think about starting with the end result in mind. And then also the second, one of that was basically-
LF:
First things first.
JW:
Your priorities. So think about those private victories. And what about the public victories?
LF:
So in the public, remember, you got to think win-win. You’ve got to think again and again, the word there is fairness. And Seek first – my favorite – seek first to understand then to be understood, just listen. Sometimes people are willing to give you everything that you need to get through the day and make their day better. Synergize, also known in my mind is Jazzercise, but not the same thing. That’s feeding off positive energy in the room and knowing when negativity is about. And when you need to say no, and it’s okay. And then finally, renewal. Self care.
JW:
Take care of yourself. Lori and I have said this on many episodes, this is our 131st episode, and I can tell you, we still believe it from day one. You must take care of yourself, mentally, physically, spiritually. Whatever’s necessary to have you taking care of the body, the mind, the soul, and that you are your priority at that moment. So you can be a higher priority to those you love and care for.
LF:
And that allows you to live a life by design.
JW:
I love it. See you next week.