Do you ever wonder how seem people make relationship formation and sustainability look so easy? Do you struggle with introductions in large groups? In this episode, Lori and Jimmy share three qualities that you can use immediately to form new relationships and enhance existing ones.
Episode Keys
- Establishing deep, personal and rewarding relationships with people who help you grow as a person.
- Why you should be “naked” in front when meeting people by being humble and actively listening.
- How you can empower yourself to be a better friend and why you should never allow others to take you for granted.
- Why it is vital that you are honest with yourself and the people you meet! Know thyself.
- How to find people with similar values as you and why they want to be your friend.
Podcast Transcript
JW:
Good morning world! I tell you, I love this time of year. The trees have all now turned their leaves to orange, brown, yellow. Of course, they all flew up into my yard, then onto my patio. But anyway, besides that, it’s a beautiful day. I have someone special back with us, folks, and you are going to have a treat today to start your week at Live a Life By Design design, your Monday morning moments of motivation for you to be bigger, better, and bolder on your own terms of life. You know, I’ve gotta tell you folks, you’ve seen the title to the episode, That’s why you clicked it. But I don’t want you to read too much into that. The title of today’s episode may sound a bit misleading, but we think it’ll make a lot of sense when you listen to the entirety of the show. And good morning, as I said, I’m Jimmy Williams.
LF:
And I’m, and I’m was wondering if I was going to come back. I’ve, so I, I’m glad to be back. It’s exciting. It’s fall. And I do have some of those leaves, Jimmy. I think they made it all the way over to my house. If you could come get them, that would be great.
JW:
Boy. Yeah. And she lives on the other side of town. You know, where all the rich people live, folks. I live over here where the dirt sawed house is. You know, the cow on the top, the true Oklahoma pioneer.
LF:
Well, I’m just telling you, the true Oklahoma wind, I 40 mile an hour gust. There’s nothing staying in anyone’s yard. It’s, it’s a toss up as to, you know, everything, your trash can, your mail, your pumpkins. I mean, it’s complete free for all.
JW:
I’m not saying that the wind has been too much here in the great state of Oklahoma usa, but yesterday, on my way home from work, Lori, the wind was blowing so badly. And I look, and there was a lady that had a kite flying in the wind. Oh. And I looked, I looked up several feet off the ground, and I’m like, What has she got tied to it? You know, normally here we had tie some threads for a tail or something so the kite could be a little more stable, you know? And I looked, and no, it was her, it looked like a two year old child in the mid era. But I think he was holding the kite string and then got sucked in the air. Now mom’s there. But anyway that’s, that’s that’s a, that’s not true at all. That’s not true at all. But the wind. But it could be. It could be. It could be.
LF:
I’m telling you, it very well could be.
JW:
It sure could be.
LF:
And to the nature of the title of this morning’s episode with the wind, you could also, you know, lose your clothing at this point. Who knows.
JW:
Yes. You could be naked in the wind, and that’s not what we meant by naked. That’s a different meaning.
LF:
No, not at all. But we’re so excited that you’re back listening us this morning. I’m excited to be here. I know Jimmy is excited to be here, because let’s face it, it, Jimmy is excited all the time.
JW:
This is neither caffeine nor drug news either. Lori, you know me. It’s just pure Jimmy. There’s
LF:
Yeah, pure Jimmy. There’s the disclaimer. Yeah. That’s, that’s on you know, that’s on the copyright. Yes. Never, never never imitate, imitation, Always the, the, the true blue cell. But we’re excited as we strive to bring you practical and important information to help you live a bigger, better, and bolder life on your own terms.
JW:
Lori, it has been too long, since you took a break from this show, What have you been doing with all your spare time?
LF:
Oh, well, you know, I mean, so much free time in my life, but work’s, been busy. Life’s been busy. I did actually take an opportunity to squeeze a small fall break trip to the beautiful city of Chicago recently. Also very windy there.
JW:
The windy city.
LF:
Yes, it does live up to its name and it lives up to every other amazing thing that we could do there. I mean, we did it all. But it was good to come home. You know, travel always makes you really remember and appreciate what great things you have at home, because by the time you’re done with a vacation, you’re exhausted and you need to come home because your pocketbook is empty.
JW:
That’s one good stimuli. Of course, right there, that’s a outcome. I will tell you though, I got stranded in O’Hare airport years ago. Oh, and you’re gonna laugh. And I saw no rain, no snow, but the wind was blowing pretty, pretty bad. And so I went up to the airline desk and I said, What’s the issue? We’re, we’re not taking off. And she said, We’ve been weather delayed. And I said, Well, what do you mean? She goes, Well, you see the winds blowing. And I said, Ma’am, you’re the windy city. It blows every day up. She said, Today it blows a little extra. So there you go.
LF:
Oh, well that’s good to know. I didn’t know that was a thing.
JW:
And I’ve got news for you. Did you know it doesn’t matter if your executive platinum at Hilton, the hotel chain? I walked over to the Hilton at O’Hare, which is a very fine hotel. I’m not, they’re not paying me to say this. I just think it’s very clean, very nice place to say, I walk over with my bag in hand, no reservation, cuz I didn’t intend on having to stay the night in Chicago. And I walked up and I told this young lady, I said, I need a room for the night, and here’s my card. And it says, Executive platinum, You know my name. And I thought to myself, and I was in a suit and tie, I thought, this lady will just get to this and I’ll have a nice room to get to nice sleep, take a shower, whatever. And she looked at me and she said, We have no rooms for the night. And I said, You didn’t see the card? I’m, I’m executive platinum with Hilton. And she said, Sir, I don’t care if you’re Mr. Hilton, I don’t have a room for you tonight. I said, Touche. And I will go my way.
JW:
I was naked in front of her from embarrassment. Oh, that embarrassment. See, that’s where I was headed.
LF:
Yeah. There you go. See, completely accurate.
JW:
Oh, mercy. The things we talk about about on this show, people, you can tell it’s not rehearsed. I can assure you that. Okay.
LF:
I can assure you that’s accurate. Truth.
JW:
Oh, so let’s get on with this thing. Today’s show is a little different than what we’ve typically covered in the past. Like I said, we haven’t rehearsed or memorized any show notes. You’ll be getting pure honesty delivered with the highest degree of integrity from Miss Lori and me. We will truly be quote naked from that standpoint. Now that I said that, Lori, it does sound a little bit crazy, right?
LF:
Well, I mean, not really. If you think about it, Jimmy. So we’re gonna be sharing with our wonderful subscribers the secrets we use for building deep, personal and rewarding relationships with other people we wish to enjoy in our lives. So let’s kinda get started. The ability for a person to stand, if you will, the day buzzword of the day, naked in front of others, is actually the action of meeting people and speaking with them from a standpoint of total humility. To be humble means that you are truly transparent with the people you meet and wish to develop a greater, deeper relationship with in life. Humility is a different difficult state of mind for some of us, myself sometimes included the word, the word listen, the world is always challenging us to become stronger and tempting us to appear differently than our true feelings would dictate.
LF:
So think about it, in the first time you meet someone, we always talk about making good first impressions. You know, as a child, your parents always taught you to stand tall. Look someone in the eye, shake their hand with a firm handshake and shake and be interested in what they’re talking about. But as we become older and we learn how to navigate the world, we tend to put up this facd. We don’t necessarily engage people in the true way that we normally would if we were comfortable. So by implementing this practice of being naked and being full of humility, take it for its face value, your gut instinct and your gut reaction. When you first meet someone, don’t try to have a put on or a, a, a fake sense of self. Just be who you are. Nine times outta 10, the reaction that you get from the other person is just as interesting and they feel just as nervous and intimidated and scared as you do.
LF:
And that’s kinda how being humble really can be transformative in your life. I’ve tried it and I will admit it’s terrifying the first time you do it, because we’re also a sense of society of constantly being judged compared contrast. It’s, it’s uncomfortable. And that’s what the way the world is right now. We’re in a fluid situation of putting ourselves out there to be uncomfortable, which leads to vulnerability and that is scary. But being naked in your true form of self can really, really be freeing if you continue to practice it. It, it’s, like I said, it’s awkward at first, but it does get better. And once you figure out that you don’t have to beat anybody but your true, authentic self, it’s so much more fun. The world can be so much more relaxing and upbeat and uplifting. And that’s what we’re all about here at Live a Life By Design Design.
JW:
That is good stuff. And you know, humility, which does open up that vulnerability to the others that you see in your path that day to me, helps you grow as a person. Because what you’re really saying is, my self-esteem can take criticism because I know it’s not about me. It’s just simply about something the other person has going on that is attempting to find a way to better themselves. So I often tell people, you know, I, I’m very humble in areas where I need to be. So let explain what I mean by that. So I play pickleball quite a bit. I love the sport of pickleball.
LF:
I love to eat pickles.
JW:
Yeah, you, So there we got that in common. I pickles, that’s what it said. I don’t do sports. She watches a little. So I played pickle ball and I came home about a week ago and man, I was on Cloud nine, man, I had the best game, Lori. I couldn’t miss the ball. I could, I put the spin on it. I cut the ball where the guy on the other side couldn’t hit it. I mean it was just the perfect night. So my wife said, Well, what happened to you? You just looked like you’re walking on clouds. And I said, I had the best game. I won every game I played today in two hours. I never sat down. Cause the winners continues to play. And she said, Really? And I said, Yeah. I said the only thing is is people I’m playing are in their eighties.
JW:
And so I’m wondering, and she said, eighties. I said, Honey, now it’s not based on age of who you play, it’s the skill level. So she said, Okay, so then let’s fast forward a week after that I was playing some younger players in their thirties and they cut the ball and they spun it outta control. And I didn’t get it returned. And I sat down quite a bit. I came home a little dejected to myself cuz you know, I am an athlete even though I’m a lot older now. But I came home and I was a little dejected and my wife said, Well, what happened? And I said, Well, I played pickle ball. She said, Well last week you were on cloud nine. What happened? And I said, I played some 35 year olds. She said, Oh, that’s the break point then 35 versus 85. So anyway, humility’s a good thing for all of us as athletes, right?
JW:
So anyway, that’s the story. I’m sticking to it. Okay, that’s it. But you know, at the end of the day, pickle, yes, pickle ball champion that’s gotten beaten now several times by 35 year old gentleman. So, you know, that’s a great one though. Humility. So let’s talk about another one to being naked in the world when trying to meet people to be truly naked. When addressing the public means to me that I am speaking with them in honesty from my heart. Often you’ll hear of speakers that say things in public and live a different life in private. Their integrity is called into question. Their reputations, in my opinion, are soiled. To be naked by truly displaying you and the bearing of your soul to people requires that you are genuine. And that’s what you know, that’s what Lori’s saying to the fear of failure is always lingering in the back of your mind. We aren’t good enough, or we may say the wrong thing. To appear foolish. By focusing on the honesty in your speaking, the person or people you are speaking with will sense your compassion and desire to become friends or begin a business relationship. What are your thoughts, Lori?
LF:
Well, and I, I absolutely agree with this one because so many times when we’re faced with making partnerships or commitments to people inside our organization, even outside of our organization, you do have to be genuine. I, I I feel like people have a, you know, they have a good gauge for attitude and opinion and they can read people. I i, it it’s so crucial and important to embrace that. You know, I I think that’s a make or break deal. I think it’s important for people to understand that sometimes that can be a deal breaker whether or not they’re truly invested in the person, in the conversation or the project. You know, I, I’m really big about quotes here. I I love a good quote. And so I found a quote even on today’s topic. It’s amazing, the world of the internet. It just provides you with such great things when you go seek them out.
LF:
But there’s a quote by Gabrielle Bern Bernstein, and it’s, the quote says, Get naked with your truth. Offering the world your greatest gift, your authentic self. And that is absolutely what we’re trying to accomplish this morning. We’re trying to give our listeners that opportunity to understand that stand in that nakedness because it’s so valuable that you be your true, authentic self. So finally, the last strength that you must exhibit to be truly naked to the world is living in consistency of your values. People of like values will wish to spend time with you. They, it, it’s almost like a magnet. They gravitate, they’re attracted to you in that sense. There’s an old saying, fake it until you make it. And I am guilty of using this myself. This saying will not work in a world where you are the leader of your life. And you must show the world that you are truly not afraid to be who you are as you are on a daily basis to the rest of the world.
LF:
It’s so hard to put into practice. But the absolute thought, if you say it to yourself and you practice it, you know that old adage of if you do something three times, it becomes a habit. This is absolutely true with living the consistency of your values. We’re not asking you to change the way you see things or to convince you that our best, you know, our values or our view is the best view. It’s just being able to stand in your truth and say, This is who I am. This is what I believe in. And to surround yourself with like-minded and not like-minded people because that’s what opens up the conversation to the world to make it a better place. Not that we agree or disagree, but that we’re willing to willing and able to come to the table and have those conversations. That’s what the, the world of communication is all about. And if we’re not practicing that, then what kind of example are we sending for future generations?
JW:
Oh man, you know, you just know how to nail it. Whenever I hand you the mic, you just kill this thing. So let me explain a couple of things. Lori said, First of all, there’s no faking it in life. People will see through you in an instant. Let me give you a case in point. You know, we’re in the retirement planning business and we had a person came by that was referred to us by another client. And this lady had to be about 80 years of age. I think she ended up showing us her driver’s license for proof by then. She was 81, I think something. Anyway, I asked her after that first meeting and I said, Are there any items we didn’t discuss that are on your mind? And she said, Just one. And I said, Okay, I’m, what would that item be? And she said, the name of the person that referred her was a, a lady friend.
JW:
And she said she was absolutely right about you. And I said, Okay, what was she right about? And she said, You are the most genuine person I’ve spoken with today. And I said, Wow, I hope you spoke with a lot of people. That makes me feel better. So my my point is, you know, you said on there earlier in the show, I asked you, you know, how you were doing, You just been gone a long time. And I said, This is Jimmy. No drug induced or caffeine. This, you just have to learn to be yourself. God made us all to be unique, to be special. It doesn’t mean that we all are going to agree all the time, but we have to learn to agree to disagree and still be friends. Now I wanna get on my soapbox, Lori, cuz it’s not very tall today and I’m a little bit you know, tired this morning.
JW:
So here we go. My soapbox is this, if we truly wish to see a world of peace, John Lennon was right. All we need is love. We need to have compassion for one another. We need to be genuine with how we feel with one another. Because true communications based on genuine commentary is one that’ll be upheld and learned and understood by both parties. But if we’re truly making statements that we want to be known by ie. If we’re running for political office, I’m not gonna get into that, but I’m just saying sometimes what they campaign on, they don’t necessarily govern on. And so it’s easy to do one thing, hard to do the other. And I always tell my friends, you know, with me, I don’t ever have to remember what I told you. I’m just gonna be very truthful with you. And sometimes I may not say that truth in a way that is to you very palatable.
JW:
But it is truth. And I’ll never hurt anyone’s feelings intentionally, but sometimes the truth just comes out, you know? And, and to be frank, we, I’ve been subject to that at times too. So I I’ve learned to take, you know, my dad is one of these guys, doesn’t mince words. You knew where you stood at all times. So, and sometimes you stood grabbing your ankles. But anyway, that’s another story because he was wailing on you cuz you did something wrong. No, I, he never welled on me, but he did. Gingerly hit me with my own belt one time on the buttocks because I deserved it about three times. That was embarrassing. Now that was, that was naked in front of somebody. When they take your own belt off of you to discipline you, that’s, that’s naked. That’s good.
LF:
I I do think that there is an a sweet, honest truth to today’s topic. I really do. I’m glad we’re kind of addressing it. It, it’s something that not a lot of people wanna talk about. Not a lot of people wanna own what they say and what they do. And like I said, it’s not necessarily that we’re agreeing or disagreeing. We’re just asking people to be who they truly are. It helps everyone navigate the world a little bit better if you’re just truthful in who you are and own it. We talk about owning our decisions and owning our choices and teaching our kids that you know, those choices, regardless of, of how you feel about ’em. Sometimes they have consequences. But I just, I absolutely think it’s true. I I think it’s a buzzword if you wanna talk about being naked. But it gets, it gets people’s attention and it gets the point across that you can still have a little bit of humor and a little laughter behind it. But it’s honestly, it’s, it’s from the heart and it’s honest and it’s sincere. So let’s talk about challenge.
JW:
Absolutely.
LF:
Everybody knows, everybody knows that Jimmy loves a good challenge.
JW:
Absolutely I do.
LF:
You know, pickle a ball. You got two daughters. Wants to challenge Jimmy to pickle ball.
JW:
I’ve got two daughters and one wife. I love a challenge. You bring it on now. Lori.
LF:
Yes. You’re a brave man, Jimmy Williams.
JW:
That’s not true. That’s
LF:
I was gonna say, I don’t think that’s true.
JW:
Well, here’s a challenge. When you meet someone this week, remember to be honest, humble, and consistent in your language and demeanor to show them that you are naked and living life without pretense or facade. Go ahead and-
Both:
- live your life by design!
JW:
We’ll see you next week everyone!
