Do you ever feel the world is standing on your shoulders? The pressures of life and day-to-day activities can cause us to feel overwhelmed. Your mental health is as important as the other facets of life. In this episode Jimmy interview Myra Mabray, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor to learn the practical steps we can take to maintain a better quality of mental health.
Episode Keys
- How vital your mental well-being is to a fulfilled life.
- When you should exercise the techniques to gain clarity and control of your mind.
- How the EMDR Technique helps you realize the triggers that cause you mental stress.
- Why it is critical for you to speak with a health professional and the acceptance of such care for better overall health!
- How you can improve your mental health by doing everyday exercises such as walking and talking.
Podcast Transcript
JW:
Good morning. Oh, another beautiful day here in paradise. And I can tell you folks, it’s almost that time tonight will be Halloween in the Great United States, folks, I tell you, I’ve got my outfit on. I’m going as a mild mannered retirement planning specialist. Yep, you got it. I’ll have my pocket square going nicely and my jacket, and I’ll just hold out a big empty bag and get all the candy I deserve. Then the next day I’ll go to the dentist. So, good morning. This is Jimmy Williams, your host with Live a Life By Design, your Monday morning moments of motivation to help you live a bigger, better, and bolder life on your own terms. Man, it’s been a great year, but hasn’t it been a year of stress for a lot of people in our country and all over the world for that matter, we’ve got geopolitical risk in countries on the globe.
JW:
We’ve got inflation risk of families in every country on the globe, and it just seems like we just came outta Covid. And guess what? There’s another variant all around the globe. It just seems like we have stress on us 24 7. But I’ve got some good news for you today. Today I’ve got with me a professional with 35 years of experience as a licensed professional counselor and licensed alcohol and drug counselor, who is gonna help us kind of find some easy but effective means where we can focus on not just our physical health, but something as important, our mental wellness. Now, I didn’t say mental health. I wanna talk to this through on a wellness basis, which means that you must consistently apply a means of exercise, or in this case, perhaps some kind of strategy to keep your mind attuned along with the exercise you give your body.
JW:
And this lady I have known for many, many, many years, she is a very young and heart woman, but very talented at her 35 years in the world of mental health. Her name is Myra Mabray. I did some statistics before I asked Myra to join the show. The importance of maintaining good mental health is clearly demonstrated by the CDC statistics. More than 50% of the citizens of the United States will be diagnosed with a mental illness or disorder at some point in their lifetime. That to me, is staggering. Folks. Well over 350 million people, that is a lot of people that are going to be needing help. Another statistic, one in five Americans will experience a mental illness in a given year. With that said, we truly have with us today an opportunity to learn from someone who has helped so many for so long to gain perspective in life and maintain mental wellness. Good morning to my dear friend, Myra. Good morning, Myra.
MM:
Good morning, Jimmy. It’s good to be here.
JW:
Myra, I tell you what I used to say, it’s good to be seen better than viewed, you know what I mean? You don’t wanna be at the cemetery. So there we go. You’re looking wonderful today, as always. I know it’s early here in the morning. You’ve had your coffee.
MM:
Yes.
JW:
Now, that’s the important folks right there. If you’re gonna have good mental wellness, you must have a daily dose of caffeine. Is that what you’re suggesting, Myra?
MM:
Absolutely.
JW:
Okay. I’m gonna just kick this off, Myra, let’s let our wonderful guests and listeners, subscribers in 57 countries today learn a great deal about how they can be much more present in their mental health and much more equipped to handle some of these challenges. We seem to be getting buffeted on a daily basis. So before we start that, give us a little short background of what your life as a child was like.
MM:
Well, I was the mental child, middle child of three children. I have an older sister and a younger brother. My dad worked in the oil field and we followed him. He worked in Triple E, Libya and Kenai, Alaska, and lots and lots of little towns in between. So I spent a lot of time before the eighth grade moving. So I think it’s made me a little bit more resilient a little bit more extinct, instinctive and accepting of different cultures and different people. So I think that as a counselor, it was a good, good choice for me.
JW:
That is a great idea. Now, I know you’re younger brother quite well. His name’s Scott and he travels all over the world with his company that he works out of the Texas area down there. So I can understand how you guys got to travel triple E to Kenai, Alaska. That’s quite a trek.
MM:
That’s quite a trek. Yes it is.
JW:
Are you saying to me you literally walked uphill both ways to school in the snow barefooted when you were a child? That’s what my parents always said,
MM:
Yes. Yes. Kenai, Alaska. Yes, we did.
JW:
Well, that is neat. What a story. And I didn’t even know that of you, by the way. So that’s wonderful. Really. Yeah. So lemme ask you this. How, how did you determine, you went through this life of moving around and you’re, you’re following your father through his career and so forth. And then how did you decide one day? You know, I think I just want to help counsel people that have challenges in life that might need some support. How’d that come about?
MM:
Well, I’ve, I’ve always been interested in mental wellness and mental health. I think no matter what my job would be through life, I would be looking at behaviors and people and characteristics and mental health. So if you find something that always interests you and always changes, and I think it chose me in some ways. My sister’s mental, mental health counselor as well. And so I think it’s kind of like been something that we were, we were meant to do.
JW:
And I know your sister very well, A lovely lady Des is her name. And so I just gotta ask, when you are at home for Thanksgiving, your sister’s there, your brother’s there, did you and your sister kind of tag team on him? A little bit of this mind plays since both of you’re in that field?
MM:
Yes, we do. We, you know, we thought our family was all just wonderful until we started the school. And now we’ve diagnosed everybody.
JW:
Gotta tell you, I took six hours of undergrad psychology, Myra, cuz they made me, I had to take some kind of, you know, studies outside the business world. And I’ve gotta tell you, I thought I knew all I needed to know about the ed super IED and all that after I took six hours. I mean, I used it on everyone. Matter of fact, at the age of 21, I thought my parents were nuts because I said there’s no way that you people could know all, you know, and with the education limited that you had. So well, tell me, who are your mentors in life and and why are they your mentors?
MM:
Well, I, you know, I would say my sister does just because she, we talk a lot. I walk and talk to her a lot, which are, you know, two things that you can do for mental wellness. And she’s nonjudgmental, she laughs and she, we talk and we talk about our day. And during Covid, when we were isolated, we talked on the phone and it, it got pretty serious, you know, at times when when we were talking. So we can cry and laugh. And so I think that that just, she has come out as being the person that has mentored me and I hope she’s a sister and a friend and a mentor.
JW:
Hey, that’s the trifecta. If you can get that outta one family member, you need to pass her the giblet gravy at Thanksgiving. That, that’s good.
MM:
Oh yeah. Oh yeah. She’s gonna start charging me if I keep, keep on.
JW:
Does she make, does she make you lie down so you can talk to you so you can be in a perfectly solitude state so she can talk with you open to mind? Is that what it’s Yeah,
MM:
No, but we might, we might try that.
JW:
That’s a good idea. So, real quick, let me ask you a couple of things. We’re gonna jump in now to mental wellness and the challenges we face in the world which we live. I gotta tell you, I’m one of the most gregarious people on the planet. I have to be around other humans. That’s just how I’m wired. You know, we’re all different. Some people can go two years and live in a cave and never speak to anyone and be totally happy have great mental wellness, no problems. That’s not Jimmy. I’ve gotta talk to people. So during this covid time you know, social media became a means of communication to the quote, outside world, or we used Zoom or Teams movie, you know, whatever we had to do to see people talk with people. What’s your take on the situation of social media and the role it plays in today’s challenges to mental health?
MM:
Well, I, you know, I think social media is, is very positive and it can be very negative. But with mental health, I think social media has a place in the future. Because you can interact with someone that is at home, at school, home bound at work. So normally when I think about I’m at the office, someone that is suffering from anxiety, just generalized anxiety, they have to get, make an appointment, get dressed, come to the office, sit in the office get called back, you know, so there’s a lot of steps to that. They have to drive to the office. So with the new if you can use social media and telehealth for those that don’t have time to do all of that, they’re at work. They can step out for lunch or a break or school. And, and I think it’s a new thing that they’re using more with mental health today with elders, people that are ill or home bound. I think it’s gonna be something that’s very positive in the future.
JW:
Very good. You know, I have a friend that has had a tremendously difficult time in life from, from a childhood days to now. She’s, she’s a grown woman now, and she was telling me that with the pandemic, she had opportunity, like you’re saying, for telehealth consultations with her counselor. Yes. And she made more progress, she said, than having to, she lives in Tulsa than having to deal with traffic, Go talk to someone at the front desk and sign all these for. She just sat down and got clarity around what it was that was giving her, if you will, the source of her anxiety or whatever she may have been feeling that day. And so, I agree with you. I think it can be used in a positive way. What have you seen though, in terms of our children and perhaps the social media, I’m saying of the platforms where we just post things and we got no one there to confront us in the, in the topic.
MM:
Right. they’re, they’re starting a program with school age children because a lot of what they have coming in on Facebook or Twitter is negative. And so they’re starting therapists are starting to do a check in system where throughout the day they’ll just check in with a, a student between classes and just see how they’re doing, how their day’s going. Talk to ’em about positivity and positive things instead of so much of what’s coming through to students and young people.
JW:
Yeah. You know, it’s, it’s kinda like we get brave when the person’s not in front of us. We may say things which we’d never say if that person were standing, as my dad would say, within arm’s reach, you know? So yes, you’ve never felt that, Cause you’ve always been good as a kid. I’m sure. I I kind challenged my parents once while I was the last of six Myers. So, you know, I had to get my licks in early. So let’s ask you this. So what are some daily activities our listeners can perform or participate in that help maintain more balance maybe in their world? Their mindset?
MM:
Well, I, I like to talk to people, clients generally about fulfilling your life mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. And so if you think about those things, you might be mentally, you may be a 10 today, I may, but emotionally I’m a three. And so the goal is to check yourself and see where you’re at. You know, spiritually I’m not, I’m just, you know, kind of around a five and financially that that’s, you know, you can do all of these. And your finances may not be the best, but spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally you can be, Well,
JW:
You know, that’s something that’s important too. I call it the wheel of life. So I have about 10 different aspects of life that I try to make their, make them all balanced. So you have a wheel and just like you have a flat tire, so if you’re not fully engaged and, and supporting one fact or aspect of life, but you’re overdoing it in others, you’ll have a flat tire, right? That one’s gonna be flat. So you can’t really roll down the smooth drive of life, as I’m putting my analogy together here. So, so lemme ask you this. Why do we continue to see and experience, you heard the CDC statistic I read about at least 50% of the US citizens at some point in life will be diagnosed with a mental illness or disorder. Why do you think we continue to see mental health deteriorate, particularly with our younger citizens in the United States?
MM:
Well, I, you know, times are difficult. There’s a lot of anxiety, depression trauma, and but you know what, we have a nation have had those in the past. I think about during the Vietnam War and different times, there was lots of turmoil. And I think coming together, you know, as a nation is what we need. And to support our young people. I think they are struggling, you know, the hippies of the sixties, you know they struggled too. It was, it was a time of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. And I’m sure that wasn’t making parents very proud.
JW:
Reminds me of an old Bellamy Brothers song. I’m, I’m an old hippie. I love, I love that song. Yeah. So, you know, I agree with you. I think this has been around, and you correct me if I’m wrong, you’ve studied, I’m sure the history of the, your field and so forth, but I’m certain that we’ve had mental health challenges since the caveman days. Myra, you know you didn’t just walk outta your cave and go get something to eat, you had to chase it down, kill it, whatever. And sometimes you were the one being chased, right? Depends on if it was a carnivore or what. So, so I think our world, like you said, we would find greater mental stability in our health if we had more peace as a unified country, A unified world, for example. Now I’m not gonna go all Beatles on you cuz that’s my, one of my favorite bands. But John Lennon said it, right? You know, all you need is love, right? So if, if we just had that and everybody get along the world would be a much better place. But I digress. If you could wave a magic wand, Meron, and I know you’ve got one, cuz you got two wonderful, beautiful kids, They’re grown up. You did a great job of raising them. I’ll tell you that cuz I think your son’s birthday is on the 25th of October.
MM:
Yes,
JW:
Yes. I called him and I wished him a happy birthday on a voicemail cuz he’s so important now in his new career that he can’t talk to me without an appointment. But anyway, I digress again.
MM:
His mom, his mom as well.
JW:
Oh, good. Good. Okay. But if you could wave a magic wand to alleviate one negative contributor to mental wellness, what would you eliminate?
MM:
I would say substance or alcohol abuse and alcohol abuse. It destroys families. What we’re seeing today is just the destroying people’s minds. And a lot of people that I would see for mental health was a lot of that they would start using alcohol and drugs to deal with the mental health, or they would have mental health issues after they had abused substances. So it was kind of a catch 22, if you know. Right.
JW:
A vicious circle. Right? Absolutely. I mean, it’s a vicious circle.
MM:
Yeah. Yeah.
JW:
And you know, I’ve, I’ve seen in my own family to be, to be very honest and full disclosure here on Live Life by design, I give ’em the unvarnished truth on. I will tell you, we’ve had had challenges in our own family with alcoholism. And I think some of that came about just because we didn’t have the appropriate or, or knew where to find the appropriate help during the day when, you know my brothers and all were younger, that, like you said, it was in the sixties and stuff, and this was a stigma, right? I mean, you didn’t wanna go talk to, you know, I hate to even use the term, but you don’t go talk to a shrink, you know, or anything back as a term they used, which is derogatory toward that profession at the time. But my point is, is my my older siblings may have had some challenges and they faced it down with you know, alcohol to be very frank, right?
JW:
And, and some of them are still dealing with some of that later in life. You know, I’m 58 in March, so they’re quite a bit older than me and still challenged with some of that. So I certainly understand. So if we could get rid of substance and alcohol abuse I agree with you. I think that would go a long ways of solving a lot of problems that stem from that. Such as, if you think about it, a lot of abuse from alcoholism stems into physical and mental abuse and verbal abuse to their families. Cuz that’s, that’s not really them. Right?
MM:
Right,
JW:
Right. You know, and at the end of the day, it’s so easy to get these substances anymore. You know, it’s, I’m not gonna get political on you, but we have an easy means in this country of getting some of the most horrific chemicals in our body that you know, we don’t think about it. But once you’ve used it, you’re, you’re hooked. I mean, you’re done.
JW:
So, so lemme ask you this, You feel like it’s important for you to leave a legacy in mental wellness from your career?
MM:
I do. I do. I I believe that just like medical care you need mental care. And I think part of we’re making progress with taking away the stigma of it because, you know, shrink you know, they’re all of those I’m not crazy. I’ve heard people say I’m not crazy, I don’t know. But just taking away the stigma and helping pe people to live a fulfilled life is, is what would be my goal. And and there are therapists that are coming up that are wonderful. There’s a group that are getting older and retiring and, and there’s new therapists in new ways. There’s a, a method called emdr that works with people with trauma. And so it, they’re coming up with just like, you know, medical improvements. They’re coming up with new things for people to help them and help children.
JW:
So, emdr, what, what, I’m sure that’s an acronym for something. What, what does that stand for?
MM:
It, it’s it entails eye movement. Okay. And de synthesization that’s why they call it emdr. But the, it was started in the Vietnam War War when soldiers came back and had ptsd. And it helps with ptsd. It is a, a method that uses eye movement to processing triggers that happen. And, and I think that we all have triggers. You know, a trigger is some, a smell or a person or something that just triggers you to feel depression or to feel anxiety in your life. And so when you’re working with people that have been in active combat, a smell or just a sound or something might just trigger something that causes them just to spiral out of control. So I think it’s a, it’s a good method to use.
JW:
I’ve got a dear friend that served in Desert Storm. So not Vietnam, not that old desert Storm. And he to this day. And how long has that been? I mean, that was George h w Bush’s years in service, you know, in the eighties. And to this day, he doesn’t go to fireworks displays, he doesn’t go to loud ex exhibitions such as the monster trucks or so anything like that, because the noise he said from the popping or the manifolds or anything, you know, backfiring sends him to a whole, he said, sends me right back over there to those cities in the desert where he is got shot at and people died and all that. So I can clearly understand that. So at the end of the day, what I think and I read this, is that once we get a suicidal thought in our mind, Myra, it never goes away. It’s not like you can go away, it’s, it’s is now stain, if you will, on the brain. And it’s kinda like a styrofoam. It kind of chips away a little bit of your brain, and it’s there, It’s kind of how the analogy was in the book I read. Is there some truth to that?
MM:
Absolutely. Controlling, intrusive thoughts is is a battle. And so, you know, just if you think about children in school and they’re expected to sit down and do math and reading and science and, and they’re, they’re being abused at home the triggers and, and triggers can be with anyone. You know, you, you might walk into a room and you smell something and it reminds you of your grandmother or, or just a season or a person whether it be good or bad, that triggers intrusive thoughts. And so working on that and compartmentalizing those intrusive thoughts is really important.
JW:
So are you saying that, so these triggers can just come out of a particular stimuli. Something’s happened and all of a sudden it triggers you back to where you were. So I’m gonna tell you then, I may have some challenges myself, not to belittle this topic, but every time, and this is, is a true statement, but every time I go into a JDE chocolate factory and they have those samples, Myra, my salivary glands go out of control. Now I’m telling you, that’s good chocolate
MM:
Right? Yes, absolutely.
JW:
Chocolate though is good for the soul. But you can’t eat eight pieces of it right there in front of it, cuz that’s not good. But, but there’s my problem, Mara. So I need to need to lie down on your soap and tell you about this sometime. But that is some pure, some of that’s like 60% kaka. That’s the pure stuff. So oh yeah. I get a little intoxicated from the chocolate almost, I think. But anyway, I digress again.
MM:
That goes into the addiction part of it.
JW:
Yes. Yes. Myra, I gotta tell you right now, I’m addicted to one thing and that’s my wife, 35 years that woman’s put up with me. Myra, and you know who she is. Bless her heart. Yeah, she’s an angel on earth is what I say. So, so lemme ask you this. If you could have any other career in the world outside of being an LPC and outside of being a substance, an alcohol abuse counselor, what would it be and why?
MM:
I, I don’t know, but I’m sure it would involve animals. A lot of animals. I think they’re good therapy.
JW:
You know, I wanna say something about that. Dogs in particular. Now cats are good too, but we have a dog and a cats are, our younger daughter has a dog. He’s just a year old. Little caou named named Casper. He’s white with his little brown on him. He’s really cute. And then we have a silver chinchilla Persian that our daughter has, older daughter as a cat. And I gotta tell you, unconditional love with no judgment. You know, you can come home late and that pup will just be sitting there with this tail wagon. Now my wife, as I contradict, will not be sitting there happy if I come home. You see the difference? So you’re saying to me it’s better to have a dog than a spouse? Is that what you’re trying to say?
MM:
Well, not necessarily. They can’t bring in groceries or cook.
JW:
Oh, well, good point. There you go.
MM:
I’ve got five dogs and a cat. So, wow. I guess at some point I’ve needed a lot of therapy.
JW:
I’m gonna call that a kennel. That’s not, that’s not, you don’t just have those, that’s a kennel. Myra, you got a, a brood of, of animals there, so to speak. You know, being something with animals. I wanna go back to that, just ma I’m making a little bit fun of that. But I will tell you some of the best times I have in my life in terms of calmness. And the reason I know that now is cuz we all have these silly watches that tell you if you’re calm or if you’re breathing or your heart rate. And I can hold that pup for just 30 minutes and my heart rate will drop, my calmness rises. It’s, there’s just something about when God made animals like that, He said, you know, Adam needed those in the garden. I don’t wanna get all theological on you, but he made animals before he made woman. Am I right?
MM:
I think so.
JW:
So he meant makes sense. He meant for us to have them in our families. Now you of course, you always go above board and beyond and you got five and one. So I get that. So I’m just picking on you this morning. Hey, real quick, a couple of things then I wanna ask you something kind, personal. Now you don’t have to answer, but I know you’re going to cause we’ve been friends long enough. Here it goes. What has been the most fulfilling event in your life to this point?
MM:
Well, you know, I would just have to say, watching my children become parents. Let you know, watching them grow. And I’ve got five grandchildren. They’re 19, 17, 16, 5, and three. So I’ve just watching them, you know my kids grow up and, and live lives. And you know, as sad as it is, I’m not the center of their world anymore.
JW:
I know the feeling with my kids.
MM:
I want to be. And so I, I’m just having to relearn that life is fluid and it’s ever changing.
JW:
Can I use that life as fluid? I’m gonna give you a true story. So when our daughter went off, the older daughter went off to college, you know, it was a little heartbreaking to send off my first child to the world. It’s big out there and it’s got all these dangers in it. As a parent, especially a father of daughters, you know, it’s hard to find anything that you can protect them from if you’re not there. And, and our daughter would call home and talk to her mother seriously for an hour, right? And then at the end of that call, or near the end, she’d say, Mom, can I speak with dad? Man, my old chest is bold out. And I thought, man, this is going to be great. And she’d say can you check my debit card account? I mean, there you go.
JW:
That’s what dads do. That’s right. So a little heartbreaking at first, but she and I got on the right feet after that. So, So let me ask you this. You’re not the center of universe, but you could be, right? So in our own mind, that’s what I do. So see I say Jimmy is what everything else revolves around. So, that’s what my wife taught me. Myron, she said, You’re not the center of the universe. You may think you are, but you’re not. See, that’s true. That’s truth right there if you ever heard it. So what, what what kinda story can you provide about someone you’ve seen flourish in life that began similar as you? You got any stories out there that you can tell of somebody?
MM:
You know, I, I really don’t have one person. I just see a wall of just people that I have known through the years that have faced adversities and trauma, abuse, grief, you know, betrayal. I’ve seen addicts, you know, military personnel, domestic violence survivors, law enforcement. And there’s just not anybody that I would say, Oh, they flourished because people are resilient. And that’s the ability to recover from setbacks. I, I, I looked it up cuz I use resiliency a lot with people. And it’s the ability to recover from setbacks, adapt well to change and to keep going in the face of adversity.
JW:
That is good information. And not only that resiliency, there’s a synonym. I’m gonna use toughness. You know, there’s a lot of people think I’m tough, I don’t need to go to see any counselor or anything. I got news for everyone listening. The real tough person is the one that recognizes the need and follows through to get a resolution. That to me shows toughness and shows mind being in tune with the body. You know what I mean? I may be wrong. What’s your thoughts?
MM:
Yeah, I, oh, I agree. It, it has to do with that mental, physical, emotional, spiritual and financial wellness. Some things that I have talked to people about or are pretty similar having your circle of friends, you know, limiting, having good boundaries. There’s a breathing exercise that you can do that is it’s a military law enforcement breathing exercise. And so it’s holding for four seconds breathing in for four seconds holding it for four seconds and then breathing out. And to me it kind of resets your brain. And that’s something you can do no matter where you’re at. What situation, I use it a lot. If I get into situations where I just feel anxious I use that. And also set daily goals for yourself. Walk, read, pray, cook visualize that you’re in a calm, safe place. And just moving, just moving is is one of the main things that would help you just get through the day.
JW:
You know, there are a couple of things in that, in our brain that produces through the different portions of our body, especially internally. The good news that gets away a lot of this anxiety and stress off of us is exercise. Why? Because then those endorphins kick in and that is so powerful. They say that’s more powerful than getting a shot of morphine. They, those endorphins are that powerful to the body. But you know what? You gotta get your butt off of the sofa and go run or walk or do something. Right? Right, right. This doesn’t just show up cuz you didn’t like what was on tv. That was exciting. You gotta get away from that. And, and I’m a big believer and Maira you tell me how you feel about this, but here it goes. I’m a big believer that the brain only contains what the eyes are seeing. So in other words, the, the hearing as well. But the eyes see so much damage on tv, some of these, these games that the kids play now where you just shoot someone and it shows realism on that screen. You know, body parts flying everywhere and so forth. I can’t imagine how those children get that image outta your mind cuz your brain is a powerful tool for storage. Am I wrong?
MM:
Oh no, you’re absolutely right. That it leads to post traumatic stress disorder. And that’s what children are having when they’ve watched so much violence because it’s real. It’s like seeing it kind of makes them where they’re numb to real situations. So if they see a car wreck, their brain is saying, Is this real or is this not real? And so it, it, it is doing a lot of damage to the brains of children.
JW:
I I don’t know that I can make this as a scientific statement, but I have been doing some reading about the correlation between the lives of the kids that are shooting these school kids and going into schools and doing a lot of damage to people with guns and so forth. Not blaming the gun here. I’m just saying the person that took that weapon in the school had a background of some mental health challenges or had played these games that are so realistic and they’ve got this mindset that it’s a game until they realize that it’s not, they put the cuffs on ’em and take ’em to jail. This is no game at that point. I think we’ve got to work on that in the United States as well as parents. We’ve got to help our children make good decisions of the entertainment for which they wish to digest. Yes. If that makes sense.
MM:
Yes. And, and so, Oh, I’m sorry.
JW:
No, go ahead.
MM:
Go ahead. Just to, to go along with that suicide’s on the rise there’s there’s a crisis lifeline. It’s 9 88. So if anyone feels like they’re struggling if they feel abandoned or suicidal, have suicidal thoughts or any, any problem that’s a crisis. They can call 9 88. And that’s something new that’s just started. But yeah, I, I think that suicide and, and if you see something, say something. Yeah, absolutely. So many times people have, and, and not that you are responsible for anyone that dies by suicide, but if you see something just tell a teacher or tell an adult that will do something.
JW:
You know, one of the most horrific things in my life, and I’m a young man, as I said 58 coming up in March, one of my dearest friends that I just thought the world of and had spent a lot of time with him, his daughter was the same age as our younger daughter, knew him very, very well. And matter of fact, our our surnames were the same, although he was from Barbados. He was, he had the same surname as me. And I always told everybody, he’s just my brother. And I meant that in every sense, the word as far as our emotional attachment and feeling and friendship and so forth. You know, we’re all the same on the insides, my feelings in life. But my point to this was, is that he had a wonderful day. We spend a day together and, and his family and us, and then not four days later, he takes his own life. I had no idea. I saw no signs. Tell us, what can we be looking for as amateurs? I didn’t study this stuff as you have. What, what can I look for? Cause I felt so guilty and I spoke at his funeral. As a matter of fact, I was honored to do so, but I felt so guilty for months going, What did I miss? What did I not see? And I spend a lot of time around him, Meyer
MM:
Well, and I think that poor impulse control is something that there’s not anyone can do. Like this man that you were talking about there, there really were, other than his family may have known. But outside to the outside world, he was fun loving. Just the nicest man, just love to laugh and loved life. It appeared and then, and then he took his own life. And, and that is the ripple effect is just never ending. And the family and guilt is, is part of that. You know, everybody that’s run them, Why didn’t I say that? Why didn’t I say something? Or but I think, think that you can do things. I mean, just pay attention to what they’re saying. But sometimes there are no signs. And so the, the problem with suicide is at times, especially if it’s a young person there’s a lot of copycat feelings that you want to die as well.
MM:
And so you really need to watch children that are alone after a friend has died. And I think that one thing that you can say is, you know, I’m sorry that you’ve lost your friend. I’m sorry that this happened, or I’m sorry to whatever. But also to add to that, how can you move forward from this point? How can you live a life, you know, of wellness and a life of design yourself and move forward? Because so many times we get stuck. We are just stuck. And there is, and, and we all do that. I do that too. I get, I get stuck in my thoughts and they just get up here in the frontal part of my brain and just whirl around what happened and why did this happen? And you know, so, but I think how can you move forward and how can we move forward from this point and learn from this?
JW:
Man, that’s good advice. I gotta tell you something I do to get the stuff outta my head. And I’ve said it many times on many episodes, this podcast, I’m a journaler. So when I come home from the day, I typically journal at night cuz I want to dump all the stuff off my brain. Then I’ll journal some more in the morning if I still see some, you know, some, some fragments of what I had thoughts of yesterday. And, and a lot of times those are very positive things, but sometimes they’re very deep. And these items that I think are challenging to my personality, which I’m a very positive person as you know, I’ve never had a bad day in my life. I just have some days better than others. That’s my philosophy. And on some of those days that are not as good as others, I have to write it out to get it out of my head. Do you recommend doing something like that? It’s a coping, I hate to use that word, it may not be proper, but a coping mechanism for some of the challenges.
MM:
Sure, yeah. You know, I think it’s like a toolbox. So you have a toolbox and you know, what helps you get through life. And so if it is breathing or visualization or setting goals, walking, like I said, reading, watching tv but do positive things. You know, so many times we get stuck into movies or shows that are so heartbreaking that even as an adult you’re thinking, Wow. So yeah, journaling is something that has therapists have used for years. And it’s a great way for you to express how you’re feeling. I journal to my sister cuz she can’t, you know, I just talk about all the craziness of my day and my life to her. And so yeah, we do that. I would Jimmy like to give a plug on a, a book that Sure. I’ve bought during Covid. It’s called Big Feelings, How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay. And it’s by Liz fos Lane and Molly West Duffy. It’s a great book for any age it talks about, and it’s very relevant. It’s up to date, it talks about covid and some feelings during, during all of that time. And it’s just really really been helpful.
JW:
Wonderful. And for those of you who’d like to get the book, you’ll see that I’ve made, we’ll put that in the show notes today and be certain they can just click on link and go get the book and help them with some ideas of how to cope, like you said, with things in life. And, you know, what’s good for one person may not be as effective for another, but I gotta tell you, I’m a believer that all of it could help. You know, let’s, let’s don’t rule out anything to you’ve tried it, right? Is my theory in life on this kind of thing when it’s a positive matter. So let me ask you this before we leave this discussion. I do have to say, you, you’ve been tremendous and opened my eyes. I made a lot of notes while you were talking. But if you could leave our listeners today with just one statement of advice about life, what would that be? From the counseling standpoint,
MM:
I think that every day’s a new day. And so I think you could have a really bad day, but tomorrow if you get rest and you move and I’ve recently retired, so I’m, I’m in my re part of my life. I’m relaxing redefining reflecting, rejuvenating, and, you know, all of these are changes and so you think things are always gonna stay the same, but they, they change in, in the blink of an eye. And so I think that just work and fight for your mental health every day and, and I hope you work and fought for your physical health and emotional health. It’s, it’s you could be very, very healthy and very b very hap unhappy. So work toward that.
JW:
Yeah. You know, to me, as I said and when we started this show today to me, mental health, physical health, spiritual health, they all play a role in a well balanced life. And at Live a Life By Design. Myra, that’s exactly all we wish. Everyone that listens to this show is the most happiest of days. You’ve been very wonderful today. I appreciate you joining us today and giving us such great insight. I, I gotta be truthful with you, I learned far more than the questions I gave you. So you’ve done a great job expounding on a lot of these things and I want you to know, I personally appreciate you your generosity today. So thank you for joining us.
MM:
Thank you, Jimmy. It’s been my pleasure.
JW:
What a great list of information. The book she was talking about in the interview was called Big Feelings by Liz Fosslien, and Molly West Duffey. In the back of that book, there are assessments that she told me after the interview that would help each of us learn a little bit more about ourselves and isn’t that truly what growth in our life means? Thanks for listening this week. Take time for yourself to gain clarity and allow yourself the opportunity to truly think about your life. Should you need someone a professional to speak with, reach out to your local or State Department of Health. And in the meantime, go ahead, live your life by your design.
