Have you ever visited a wonderfully beautiful and unique place on the planet and can’t recall the details of the environment? Who you were with at the time? In this episode, Jimmy and Lori share their strategies for being present and allowing the emotions of a special moment to embed in their brains and hearts for memories that build a life by design. Get ready to experience life in a brand new way!
Episode Keys
- How to engage your focusing skills to absorb the environment around you and create memories for a lifetime!
- Why you should experience life with all of your senses.
- Who you are with during life is enhanced by the experiences you share.
- The differences between women and men when tapping into emotions to drive experiential lessons in life.
- Capturing your daily experiences in your journal to create a legacy for your family
Podcast Transcript
JW:
Good morning. It’s January, one of my favorite months. You know why? Because it starts a new year. The slate is clean. Whatever happened last year happened is now in the history books. Hey, this is Jimmy Williams, and I am following today in the, the great footsteps of that wonderful matriarch of moments of motivation, as I call her now, the mouth of the south. Give it up. How about it? Are you in the house tonight, Lori Few?
LF:
Good morning!
JW:
Sorry folks. She’s only had three cups of coffee this morning. She’s still working on that. But…
JW:
No. You know, today is a wonderful day though, because it is a new day someday that you can start now fresh. You can get out the opportunity list. You know, I didn’t say to-do list the opportunity list, and you can go out and make the world a better place for everyone around you or Lori, as some people do. This day will simply be the same as yesterday. I call it going through the motions. Lori, have you ever seen someone that just goes through the motions?
LF:
Yeah, I have to say that, you know, there’s, there’s always that one person that you know, that you think, ah, they’re just, they walk in. You know, it’s kinda like you know, cause I know Jimmy, that you’re a Disney fan. I know that your daughters are very big Disney fans.
JW:
I wanna correct you. I am THE Disney fan.
LF:
Ohh, THE Disney fan.
JW:
Not “one”.
LF:
Correct me, but, you know, there’s always that one person that walks into the room in that movie inside out, the little, the little blue sad emotion. And you don’t wanna label someone, but you know, you just ha that’s that person. They’re going through the motions. They’re there, they, they’re, they’re just not excited about anything. They’re not really negative or they’re just kinda new in between. And, and you kinda wanna know what motivates them to be that way. What spark are they missing about how, how they can be better or more energetic? And I mean, it takes all types of people, don’t get me wrong. But it’s hard for people like you and I, because we’re just not like that. Yeah.
JW:
Hey, Lori. Now you’re a woman, right? So, yep. Got a crazy question to ask. Live right here on live, live by Design. Here’s the reason I wanna ask this question, because I believe a lot of our listeners could be female and a lot of ’em male. So we got a great mixture. So my question to you is this, do you believe women have a better control of how they face their emotional day than most men?
LF:
Oh yeah. I definitely think so. I think women run the emotional gamut. The minute our eyes open every morning.
JW:
From sad to glad in 30 seconds. Is that what we’re saying? Yes.
LF:
Okay. Sad, glad, anxiety, you know, I mean, it’s, before I have a cup of coffee, I can run the gamut on emotions. I definitely think that yes, that’s, that’s a very true statement for women just in general.
JW:
Yeah. So, so my next question then, there’s a follow up here. My next question is, is how do you face a difficult day or maybe a day that’s of great joy? How do, how do you get your mindset ready to go to tackle that day and make it better than the day before?
LF:
Well, I think it’s all about, of course, you know, we talk about this a lot. We talk about mindset. If you’re me, you or like many women that are probably walking the same phase of life that I’m in the night before, you look at what the next day is going to bring. And you mentally, you’re, you know, you mentally prepare yourself, okay, I’ve got this, this, this, and this to accomplish tomorrow. Not knowing that in the midst of all that you could potentially get a phone call or an email that might change your, you know, day or your emotion or however you feel. Even sometimes a text message can completely throw you off emotionally. It can make you happy, it can make you sad, it can make you angry. It can make you confused. But I try to prepare. I, I try to, when I go to bed at night, I try to close off that day and then prepare for the next day. And so I set myself up in a mental mindset of here’s how I’m gonna approach tomorrow, or here’s how I hope to approach tomorrow. And if for some reason something changes or, you know, my mindset or my emotions get the best of me, then at the end of the day, you just try to recap that day and say, okay, what are we gonna do to change that for the next day?
JW:
You know hey, that’s a good approach. And I will tell you, you said the word confused from a text. I gotta be honest with you, I’ve got a 21 year old, you know, graduating in May at ou I’m staying confused cuz she really doesn’t communicate in full sentences on her text. As a matter of fact, don’t laugh. It’s a combination between single syllable words and emojis. And I’m supposed to know what that means, cuz at the end there’s a laughing face. So I, I don’t know if I’m really there yet. You know what I’m saying?
LF:
I absolutely agree. I have a 13 year old boy and he’s just now learning about all the different you know, sayings and phrases and emojis and things that they text. And I spend a lot of time sending back that confused emoji. Like, what? I don’t, I don’t understand.
JW:
You’re gonna laugh. I actually had to reprimand what I thought was a profane looking emoji. And my daughter explained to me, no, dad, this is what that means. I said, oh, well then my apology. But I thought, I thought this was something rude. And I said, this is why Jimmy only sends like happy face, smiley face.
LF:
Yeah. Thumbs up, thumbs down.
JW:
Thumbs up.
JW:
Literally, that’s all. I don’t even do much thumbs down. You know, I don’t want anybody to misinterpret without context. Right. You know, I’m not saying, Hey, you don’t deserve my time. Thumbs down. I’m saying to you, I just don’t have time right now. Thumbs up, smiley face. You know, I’m always smiling anyway, right? So, hey, another question about your day. So I’m gonna just give you a little background. Have you ever, in your, how many years have you been married? Now you’re only 28, so –
LF:
Oh yes. Yeah, no, 18. This will be 18.
JW:
18 years. Folks, let it be known in Oklahoma. You can marry when you’re 10. But anyway, parental, parental consent, of course. Oh no. So, hey, in your 18 years of marriage slash dating, that lovely gentleman I know as my dear friend Justin, a quick question, not to get too close here, not to get too nosy. Just wanna ask this question. To get that emotion into the day that you need for your brain to say, I really experienced something. What is something? Or someplace you and he maybe went on a vacation or something like that. Nothing mushy. I’m not asking that. I’m just saying what, have you been on a vacation that you really used all your senses that the good Lord gave us to know you were literally physically and emotionally there?
LF:
You know, it’s interesting cause recently we took a trip to see my brother in Ohio. And my brother recently had a baby. And of as many of you all know-
JW:
I’m sorry. Now wait just a minute. I have refuted this. Men do not have babies, so.
LF:
True. Ok, fair enough.
JW:
His wife had a child. Is that what you’re trying to say?
LF:
Yes. Yes. Ok. Yes. Listen, call, call me out on it. So the truth, my brother became a parent. There, I’ll say that. But my husband and I, as many people know, we raised my brother from a very young age. When we got married, we were 24 and he was 12. And so he came to live with us and we raised him. So we feel very close to him. And he’s 30 now. And we took a trip to see him, to meet the baby for the first time. And honestly, emotionally, I felt that that was probably a very pivotal, the trip wasn’t about, you know, going to the beach or going to the mountains or going to an amusement park. It was a trip to go see a person and meet a tiny person that was, you know, new to the world. And going through that experience together and being there with Justin and having that emotional moment and that connection of just being in the same room and talking and telling stories about our childhood and his childhood and what he hopes and expects for his child, to me, was just one of those moments where everything for that moment was right with the world.
LF:
My heart was so full and my mind was so clear about what a wonderful opportunity to experience all the newness and all the hopes and dreams that come with having a child and being a parent. And we were just so giddy. It was almost like the first time we had dated and, and been together like we were so giddy and happy and loving for each other that we had accomplished a goal of helping to raise him. And now we’re so happy and proud for him to be able to experience those things as a parent. So that to me was the best emotional vacation where I was a hundred percent tuned into the moment and the experience. And I’ll never forget it.
JW:
Oh man, I’m getting goosebumps here. You know, I I gotta tell you, there is nothing more, as you say, connected between a mother and a child or a father and a child, newborn. I’m talking about this hours on the planet, right? Yeah. mine was a similar way with my older and younger daughters. I man, I tell you the, they probably just threw the hospital you know, scrubs away. Cause I had sweated so badly from the nerves trying to deliver these two kids. You know, our our our friend of ours, Paul, our, our wife’s doctor, my wife’s doctor, he is, he does this all day long. He said, don’t be nervous, Jimmy. It’s real simple. Mother Nature does most of this. And I go, I don’t see her standing here and I don’t see her helping, you know, I’m a little nervous. And so, so I got both these children out. And as you hold ’em in your arms, you just kind of think about, oh man, I’ve got a lot of responsibility now. But more than that, you connect with that, that child on a such a level. And, and what I’ve found, it doesn’t just fill your heart, but it fills your heart until they fill their diaper and then they’re done with me. I mean, that’s where I’m at. There’s, there’s a limit. OK, Lori, there’s a limit.
LF:
Yes, yes. Oh yeah.
JW:
So that’s a great one. So let, let me, let me ask you this. What would you say to our listening audience if they are on that feeling of being on that old hamster wheel in their job in their, in their personal life, whatever, how do you recommend that they take that deep breath and jump left?
LF:
Oh gosh. Cuz it’s so hard. I think the biggest thing is, and we’re our own worst enemy it’s getting out of your head, all the voices, all the noise, all the existential crisis that you’re having in your head, you know, telling you all the things that you can’t do. I think that that’s probably the biggest hurdle is to get out of your own head. I know that’s so hard. I’m guilty of it myself. I find myself suing on things that you know, I’ll, I’ll get anxious about things that haven’t even happened yet. Like, that is even remotely a possibility, I’m anxious about it. I mean, I, I, and I think that’s true for most people. We tend to overthink things and emotionally we get so downtrodden. We don’t want to get excited about something that may or may not happen that we really, really want.
LF:
But I say to people, why not? If you’re excited about it on the front end and you’re mentally excited and prepared, that just means that it could very well be a sweeter moment than you think it’s going to be. Don’t think negatively. Don’t set yourself back and say, oh, I shouldn’t get excited. You know, you know, our grandmothers used to say, don’t count your chickens before they hatch. Had they known that eggs were gonna be like $8 a dozen. You know, grandmothers may have had a better perception about that. You know, eggs are such a big thing right now, but I got sticker shocked. That’s why I say that. I went to the grocery store this week, this past weekend, and I’m like, what? How happened?
JW:
Well, I gotta tell you, eggs are so high right now. I’ve got a new business venture, Lori, and I’ve talked to Justin, your husband. He’s gonna help me with it. We’re not even gonna do the, the selling of it. We’re just gonna rent the chicken for a day. All right? Rent the chicken, go somebody. We’re gonna own the chickens. Rent the chickens to people that wanna get eggs. But anyway.
LF:
Sounds like a plan.
JW:
So, so, you know, you’re absolutely right though. I think a lot of times what we do to ourselves is that negative self-talk. Now, I, I gotta tell you, I’m one of these old athletes whose mind says, you can still do this, whose body said ain’t going to happen, buddy. But anyway, yeah. You know what I’m saying? And so what happens is a lot of times, you know, I when working out and stuff, I try to lift like the 28 year old that’s next to me. Or I try to compete with someone that’s obviously in much better younger shape in terms of their physicality than what I am today. But what I was back then, for example. And so you give yourself, oh, come on, you do this. Why couldn’t you do that? You couldn’t lift 420 pounds. Come on. What’s the deal? You know, I’m like this kind of talk. And then you, you see that guy over there to me, old steady Eddie, you know, he’s like 60 and he just does his routine. He don’t get too excited and so forth. And I look at him and I go, well, is he really getting the benefit of the workout? Right? So to me, Lori, it’s an outward muscle and an inward mind that you gotta work on at the same time when you’re working out, right?
LF:
It’s, it’s so true.
JW:
Let me ask you this question. Could you picture yourself as, as being sitting somewhere on a, a very, shall we say, famous pier on the west coast your loved one arm in arm with you as you walk out and you see these beautiful waves coming as the sun sets with that orange glow on the horizon, and you’re just sitting there on a little park bench, and all of a sudden this street musician comes up from behind and slowly and softly starts playing beautiful violin music. And you look at your wife and you don’t say a word, and she reaches over, or in your case, your husband, and they just simply take your hand. We didn’t say a word. This was my wife and I. About a week ago. We were in Santa Monica, California. Beautiful place to visit, by the way. Let me give you a little bit of this in motion.
JW:
The hotel we had was right on the beach, five star. She said, honey, why did you do this? We didn’t need this hotel. And I said, because you’re that important to me. So I I, my assistant got the best hotel right on the beach. We had a veranda you could go out and sit on. We were up on the high floor, but you could look down and you could still hear the waves crashing. And she just had this look in her eye. Almost a tear came to her eye that after 35 years of marriage, I’m not bragging on me, what I’m trying to say is at the emotional connection at any age, is so vital to really experiencing the fullness of the day that it has to offer. Now, I looked around, there were people just running back and forth on this same beach, this same pier running up and down the pier, not really knowing where they were.
JW:
Maybe they lived there. They’ve seen it millions of times. I don’t live there. And I loved looking at it, and I can just sit there on those beaches or around that pier and watch those waves and notice how in cyclical form they just rotated in and go back out. And it’s just a real relaxing flowing type thing. And then when he started that violin music, I said, Hmm, I did something that I, I don’t often do, but I try. As soon as we had gotten through visiting, he was still playing. My wife and I talked and Dina said, man, this is just beautiful. I walked over and took money and placed it in the young man’s jar for his play that evening. You know, he’s a street musician. Yeah. And I thought, now I’ve truly connected.
LF:
It sounds like a movie.
JW:
Well, we were in California and I do have the rights to sell that. But anyway no. But, but, but my point is, you know, too often we as adults forget about what it was like to laugh as a kid.
LF:
Oh, absolutely.
JW:
So laugh is so serious now to we make it that way, right? But, you know, laughter is, as they say, the best medicine, right? It sues the soul. But at the end of the day, if you’re just going through day after day after day, and when you open up the door on Monday that you’re working, you’re hoping and praying it’s early Friday to me, you’re just not living those lives of the days that you really need to, to focus on, right? Yeah. So tell me your top, top approach to making each day as positive as it can be. What do you do different?
LF:
Well, and I mean, it goes back to my word. You know, we check our words for 23 and it’s getting towards the end of January. So I really, and, and this is, it’s so true. And when you were telling that story by your experience in California, it just made me think about, it’s the simple things. It’s the connection. It’s the people. It’s the things that, you know, being in a space where you could be anywhere and have that moment, but it all the same elements align, and it just makes for the most simplistic moment, you didn’t have to have, you know, a, a fancy outfit or be in a fancy place or, or be somewhere where, you know, it was over the top. It was just a simple moment between two people. And so I go back to my word of simplify for 2023.
LF:
So every day this year, I remind myself before I have that gamut of emotions when I first open my eyes, you know, I wake up and say, oh, thank the Lord. I get another day. Yes, let’s do this. But I remind myself that to revel in the simple things, the cup of coffee, the, you know, conversation with a coworker when you first walked through the door, Hey, good morning, how are you? How was your evening? What’d you have for dinner last night? The simple things of reminding myself that it’s one foot in front of the other. One step at a time, one emotional moment, you know, and every piece of energy that you put out into the day is reflected and reciprocated in one way or another, whether it be negative or positive. But you have the opportunity, even if it’s negative, to reflect that back to the emotion that, hey, it’s okay, great, you know, not, not super excited about that response, but okay, we’ll, we’ll regroup.
LF:
And that’s what I’ve really tried to work on myself on my mental simplification, if you will. I know Jimmy likes to use big words, but I, I try to use big word there but it really is, it’s still about simplify. I’m really proud of myself. Like I’ve worked really hard to maintain that word so far. Usually by this time I’m like, it’s out the window, you know, I, too, am that person that gives up on resolutions, it’s like I, you know, I tried, but I, I really think that that’s my mindset every day so far this year to, to, the approach is, it’s, it’s the simple things in life. And, and what, what a great story that you shared this morning. I, I can’t imagine how that must have been like, like I just see, I don’t know, I see movie cameras. I see like the boom mic catching this moment between you and Dina sitting there. I just, it, it just reminds me of like a romantic love story movie. I think you should spell the rights there. I think you need to document what is it? Oh, screenplay. Write the screenplay for that.
JW:
It was actually rated PG because it was pretty gushy when I was there. Is that what that means, PG? I think it does, anyway.
LF:
That’s it. That’s it.
JW:
You know, one thing too that we need to do, I think, to keep that most powerful mindset of gratitude is journal or write or somehow capture in photos. So I took some beautiful sunset photos with those Wave Coast crushing in, in, and I also took some videos. And, and I’ve gotta tell you, I was watching those on the plane on the way back as I was writing in my journal. I, I have a habit of, you know, doing that every day. But anyway, I was writing, and I use such adjectives that one day when my children read this, or my grandchildren, I want them to think, wow, I don’t even need to go to Santa Monica, California and stand on the pier because granddad or dad wrote it so explicitly and was so much connection and emotion to it. I can just read this and feel like I’ve been there, right? You know, that’s kind of what I want to do with these writings about places and thoughts and legacy and, and, and equity that you build in life. It’s not all about what we accumulate in assets. It’s what we accumulate in the mind and memories. And really, to be honest, we did relationships, right?
LF:
Absolutely.
JW:
So we’re at this difficult time where we come to the end of each show, and Lori, we have got an opportunity here to really raise the bar on all of our listeners across the globe. And it is such an honor, Lori and I don’t take this lightly. We come to you every Monday. We want you to know we appreciate each of you listeners and subscribers. And all we ask is if we’ve done something that’s helped you, please go to our live Life by design community Facebook page, jot down a little note, join the page and get a little bit more bonus in your week. Right? You don’t have to wait till just Monday of every week. Now you get a little something during the week as people start posting in there. So Lori, I guess the tough question I must ask you is, what is the challenge that we can leave our listeners this week that will help them become bigger, better, and bolder?
LF:
So, I think the challenge this week is interesting. Let’s, you know, we talk a lot about words and we talk a lot about emotion. But let’s, this week, the challenge is to find your e, find your emotion. Own it, write it down, experience it, even if you don’t like it. And then remember how it felt. Just absorb every moment, everything that happens. And be sure to find your e You know, we talk a lot about finding your Y, but this week let’s change it up. Let’s find your e and enjoy what the week has to bring.
JW:
Ooh, I like that. Listen, until next week from Lori Few and I, go ahead. Live a life by design!